Have you ever experienced bullying?  I did.  Looking back, I can hardly believe that I was allowed to walk to and from kindergarten, or was it first grade, by myself. We're talking about 15 small-city blocks from a downtown school to a residential neighborhood. 

I was doing fine until a bully showed up on the route and "wouldn't let me pass" causing me to be late getting home.  My mother had my walk home timed to the minute, so she had come looking for me, two little brothers in tow.  She taught me another route to walk, longer, but she turned it into an adventure.

One day the bully showed up at my house.  This time he came to our front yard where my 3 year old  brother and I were making piles of leaves.  He made the mistake of picking on Rick.  I picked up the rake and swung it. The bully ran home howling.  That night the bully and his parents came over and after a while I was called into the living room.  He was made to apologize to me.  I never saw him again but looking back I think his parents must have nipped that behavior in the bud, or perhaps I had inadvertently done so with the rake, because he had lost a permanent front tooth.

I think you'll appreciate the guidelines that follow.  They came to us via Sean Sanford of Rod Sanford's Traditional Martial Arts.  Originally they came from KidPower.  It's good to know that both organizations support these suggestions.

Nowadays our playgrounds abound with rules to keep bullying at bay, although it's not always possible for staff to catch every infraction.  Of similar concern are Cyber Bullies, so we've included an article by a local teacher on helping your tweens and teens stay safe on the internet.

Be safe! Parmalee

1. Address Bullying -It's Not Harmless
Bullying behavior--whether it's through threatening words or gestures, physically hurting, name-calling, mimicking, harassing, or shunning (isolating someone) is a destructive force in the lives of too many kids. Being the victim of a bully is an attack on a young person's self esteem and joy in life. Being the bully allows a child to build behavior which will be destructive socially and professionally later in life. Witnessing bullying creates an upsetting distracting environment in which to play and work and learn. Potential bullies, victims, and witnesses can learn to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive in dealing with problems that they experience directly or that they see happening.

2. Make bullying against the rules.
Make sure that your child's school has a clear written Violence and Harassment Prevention Policy which everyone agrees to uphold. Tune in when kids are acting upset with each other and help them learn skills for handling conflict. Set an example for your children by not allowing people to bully you and by exercising the self control necessary not to bully others. At home, work at stopping bullying behavior with the same commitment that you would use in stopping someone from throwing all the dishes on the floor and breaking them

3. Teach kids to act aware and confident.
Bullies pick on kids who act scared, oblivious, or defensive. An alert, assertive attitude can help possible victims and witnesses stop most bullying before it starts.

4. Teach kids target denial skills.
Target denial is an official martial arts technique which means "Don't be there!" Target denial means not giving a bully a physical advantage by being too close. For example, kids can move away from someone who they know is a problem. Target denial means not giving a bully an emotional handle. One technique is to leave by smiling and waving and saying cheerfully, "No, thanks!" very calmly and sincerely instead of acting scared or angry.

5. Teach kids the power of words.
Teach your children how to protect themselves from words and by using words. Kids tell us that trying to "just ignore it when someone says something mean to you" doesn't really work. Stop serious name-calling with the same commitment that you would use to stop serious hitting. Teach kids to protect themselves from hurting words by imagining throwing them into a garbage can instead of taking them inside their hearts or their heads. Teach kids not to let insults, rude behavior, or guilt trips trigger them into feeling intimidated or emotionally coerced by a bully. Kids need to learn how not to let what others say or do control their choices. They also need to learn how not to behave in emotionally damaging ways towards others. Teach kids how to set clear strong verbal boundaries in a respectful assertive way with people they know.

6. Teach kids to defend themselves physically.
To be effective in using other bully prevention tactics, kids need to know that they can protect themselves physically. As a last resort, kids need to know if and when and how they can hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them.

7. Teach kids to get help.
Be someone your kids can come to with their problems without fear of you overreacting or belittling them or lecturing or getting mad at them. Even if the issues they bring might seem trivial to you, these issues usually seem big to them. Most of tile time, kids just need someone to listen so they won't feel alone. Being able to talk about problems can help a child figure out what to do and put things into perspective. Having our kids in the habit of talking to us can also alert us to more serious issues.

8. Give kids the chance to practice.
Kids learn more by doing than by being told what to do.

Article by KidPower TeenPower FullPower Int.
http://www.kidpower.org (USA).
Reprint permission granted with this acknowledgement included.

Chatting, texting, IM-ing, posting, and gaming all may be a part of your student's online world. Though most adults realize that the internet is neither completely safe no private, many don't quite comprehend just how dangerous it can be. According to Officer Steve DeWarns, a nationally recognized leader in internet education, with 17 years experience in online child exploitation investigation, predators, who once lurked on playgrounds, have now moved into chat rooms, where they use information gleaned from screen names and profiles to quickly target children. On average, an offender commits 117 molestations before a public problem is detected and lives just 10 miles from his or her victims. With aggressive solicitations on the rise, one out of seven girls will be approached online. DeWarns explains that often kids don't tell their parents if they have been approached online, because they don't want their computer use to be restricted, they think that they'll be punished for their own conduct, or they believe threats made by the offender.

There are several things parents can do to help protect their teens:

• Open a dialogue about computer use and concerns.

• Draw up an "acceptable-use policy" with your son or daughter.

• Monitor your child's use with key logger software.

• Keep the computer in a well-traveled area, not in her bedroom or behind closed doors.

• Install and use parental controls.

• Keep an eye on gaming sites, such as Club Penguin, Rhunescape, Gaia Online, and Avatar. They can look innocent but often have many of the same elements as a chat room.

Internet Safety Tips for Students!

1. Tell someone if you receive a message that makes you feel threatened, confused, or uncomfortable.

2. Make your user names and screen names genderless, ageless, and vague.

3. Do not put personal information, including your name, home address, school name, places you are going, friends' names, and the like, online. Be careful when filling out profiles or forms that you don't include information that could easily allow an online predator to find you.

4. Think before you post. Nothing can be taken back once it's in cyberspace.

5. Delete anything sent by an unknown person, especially attachments.

6. Remember the Danger/Stranger rule applies online. Anyone you "meet" online is a stranger.

To learn more about cyber-safety and digital citizenship for your pre-teen and teen age children you are invited to attend a free Parent Education Night on Monday, November 2nd at 7pm. Internet safety expert Lori Getz from Cyber Education Consultants (www.yourcec.org) in Los Angeles will be helping parents to learn how they can help their children use the internet in a safe way. This seminar is sponsored by Georgiana Bruce Kirby and Gateway Schools. The event is in the Great Hall at Georgiana Bruce Kirby Preparatory School at 425 Encinal Street in Santa Cruz.

by Beth Riley, Faculty Member

Fitness and Wellness Department, Georgiana Bruce Kirby Preparatory School

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Bay Federal Credit Union is collecting NEW stuffed animals that will be distributed by Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA).

CASA assigns trained volunteers to work one-on-one with children who have been placed in temporary foster care by advocating for the child's needs in court.

Children who come to court for the first time are invited to the judge's bench to choose one new stuffed toy for comfort during court proceedings. Stuffed animals may be dropped off at any Bay Federal branch through October 31.

For information, visit www.bayfed.com or call 831-479-6000 x 3.