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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz, CA

October 30, 2014
A Wacky, Fun Weekend!

How to Deal with the Halloween Candy Dilemma

Steve: What About Manners?

Suki: "You're Not the Boss of Me"
Jeffery Luhn: Picture Your Children
This Week
Grand Parties! Marine Masquerade & Dia de los Muertos
Click to view our Business Directory
  A Wacky, Fun Weekend!

(Photos General) JefferyLuhn_CucumberKids.jpgHalloween has come a long way from its roots.  It has morphed into a wacky, fun non-religious party for children and the child-in-us adults, a holiday in which candy makers delight, an opportunity to show off our creativity in creating a wow costume.  One of the best parties in Santa Cruz is the Marine Masquerade put on by the Seymour Center on Friday, October 31. Saturday there's a Dia de los Muertos celebration at MAH and Evergreen Cemetery.  Laughing, socializing, getting out into the community is good for us.  Equally fun is greeting little ones at the door with a treat or trick or both!  I give walnuts and stickers, just can't buy into the candy thing!  Have a good Halloween, be with your children and be safe.

A young mom-and-dad-to-be I knew told me that they were not going to make their children say please and thank you, etc.  I believe I said "mmmmm".  Miraculously their two children have the loveliest, most thoughtful manners.  I think they must have used Steve's technique on manners!

I had to laugh at Suki's essay on "You're not the boss of me" because it sparked a memory of my then 3 year old grandson asking me "Tati, are you a boss?"  The reality is that we parents, and sometimes grandparents, are "the boss" --for a little while- and if we're clever we disguise it, offering choices that are acceptable to us, so Suki's right.  The source of the emphatic phrase is other kids, not parents!

Meet Jeffery Luhn, photographer extraordinaire, who will occasionally grace our newsletters with tips for taking great photos of our children, even with our ubiquitous smart phones.  Jeff also does "photo field trips to parks" with families and teaches photography classes at Cabrillo.

Reminders: This is the last Free Swim with Tiffany Harmon's Seahorse Swim School until 2015. Note all the school open houses.  This is the best time of year to visit schools to learn more about educational options that could be the best learning experience for your children.

Thank you for your interest in our newsletter and for recommending us to your friends.

Have a festive week with your family, Parmalee

photo by Jeffery Luhn

 

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  How to Deal with the Halloween Candy Dilemma

by Jay Scott Fitter LMFT

(Holidays) Halloween_TrickorTreat.jpgWell it's that time of year again: Halloween, the fulfillment of a child's dream, and the realization of a parent's nightmare. Well, maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but knowing that your little one has three pounds of candy sitting on the dresser in his or her bedroom along with dozens of wrappers scattered throughout the house can be a little disheartening. Not to mention the inevitable stomachaches, sugar highs, and then the sugar crashes.

How can parents prevent such unpleasant aftereffects of trick or treating? You don't want to be the Grinch, and make them throw all of their hard work away, but you also can't let them consume it from morning till night either. There has to be a better option.

Some parents opt for a rationing strategy. This way they control how many sweets kids consume every day. In reality, we're just postponing the inevitable by dragging out the adverse results over several months instead of a few weeks.

The Candy Exchange

It's possible to become creative and look for a win-win scenario. I call it the Candy Exchange. The Candy Exchange involves exchanging pieces of candy for tickets. The tickets can then be redeemed for a variety of things, including going to the movies, buying their favorite toy or video game, a visit to an amusement park, or any other number of activities or items that kids want. All it takes is a little creativity on your part.

1. Start by going to local crafts store and buying a roll of tickets. Explain the concept to your child, and bring him or her along to buy the tickets. Getting kids involved in the process is always better than simply presenting new rules.

2. Determine with your child the value of the candy. Kids love this part, because it allows them to negotiate. For example, a candy bar might be assigned a value of 5 tickets, while a single wrapped piece of hard candy might only be worth 1 ticket. 

3. Have your child make a wish list of reasonable "wants." Have your child come up with three items he or she wants--e.g., a new toy or game; a new accessory such as a handbag or cap; or tickets to the skating rink.

4. Figure out the point values for each wish list item. Discuss with your children the number of tickets that seems right to acquire any particular item or event they want.

5. Give them the opportunity to earn additional tickets. You can also take this opportunity to make it a learning experience for your child. For example, there may be an item they want that exceeds the value of tickets they possess. Give them the option of earning additional tickets through doing chores around the house or even demonstrating improvement in a particular subject at school.

The benefits of The Candy Exchange are many. You're taking something that started out as unhealthy consumption and turning it into positive reinforcement with goal-oriented behaviors. You're teaching your child the value of waiting, budgeting, and planning. And doing this simple activity with your child may even result in some more quality time together.

Most important, when parents learn how to turn a difficult situation--I want candy!--into a positive outcome, it teaches everyone in the family that there's a constructive way to get what one wants and to forgo short-term gratification for something more satisfying.

Jay Scott Fitter LMFT has two decades' experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and is a popular parenting workshop leader, speaker, and the author of a new book, Respect Your Children: A Practical Guide to Effective Parenting (familyanswerman.com).

 

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  Steve: What About Manners?

(Photos General) SteveSpitalny.jpgYou probably would like it if your young children would develop "manners." Do you want your 4-year-old to say "please' and "thank you?' Wouldn't it be great if your 5-year-old would apologize when someone gets hurt by something he did?

The secret learning method for young children is imitation. Instructing, explaining, scolding, threatening, bribing and moralizing are not effective methods and in fact they young child doesn't learn at all from these methods, though they can be "trained' or "conditioned.' True learning only happens when the will of the individual is engaged. When the initiative for action is coming from inside the person then there is a possibility for learning to arise. We only learn when we do it ourselves.

Imitation is the young child's modality for taking hold of the world around her. The impulse for imitation is external - what is sensed by the child all around her. The will of the child is what takes hold and does the imitating.

So...manners. If you want your child to be polite, you have to model politeness for her. I have to interject that manners and politeness are not universally consistent. What could be considered "good' manners somewhere could be considered rude and discourteous somewhere else. So you have to choose the manners that you are aiming to transfer to your child. And then use your manners. In interactions with your child, in interactions with your partner, in interactions with the cashier at the grocery store, and everywhere.

You don't need to bring it to your child's attention - you simply do it. You don't need to say,"Honey, did you notice how I said "thank you' at the coffee shop? I'd like you to say thank you' too when someone hands you something." In your interactions, use kindness, courtesy and politeness and your child will likely follow suit.

Additionally, you can magnify the possibilities of imitation by speaking courtesies on behalf of your child. For instance, 4-year-old Tommy says, "Give me more raisins."

So, while handing him some more raisins, you say, "Please may I have more raisins?" 
Read the rest>>>>>>>>

Explore the world of the young child with me, Stephen Spitalny. I am a writer, speaker and early childhood consultant. I was a kindergarten teacher at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School for 24 years. My book "Connecting with Young Children: Educating the Will" was published in 2012. I now offers workshops, coaching and mentoring in the U.S. and around the world.

 

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  Suki: "You're Not the Boss of Me"

(Photos General) SukiWessling2013.jpgThere is one phrase that kids in my part of the world inevitably seem to say-usually sometime around 6 or 7:

"You're not the boss of me!"

The first time one of my children said it to me, I was a bit taken aback. At that point, most of his verbal style had come from his parents, and we had certainly never said such a thing. In fact, we had never heard any adult say that phrase or anything in that actual grammatical construction.

(Graphics) Suki_youre-not-the-boss-of-me-t-shirt-.jpgThink about it: In English, we hardly ever use the possessive form "noun of me"-we use "my noun." So the natural way of saying "you're not the boss of me" in English would be, "you're not my boss."

If one of my children had said that to me, I wouldn't have been startled at all. In fact, they may have heard me say such a thing to them!

But "you're not the boss of me"-that exact set of words-seems to be ubiquitous amongst American children. At some point, each child says that to a parent, to the point that parents can make each other laugh by quoting it at each other. If a parent says, "You're not the boss of me!" we know they are imitating a kid.

So this means that kids have their own grammatical construction that, I'm guessing, gets passed from kid to kid, never being used by an adult in their hearing. (Except, perhaps, when they overheard their parents mocking them, which we hope never happens because we hope that our children don't actually know how funny we find them, right?)

Perhaps "you're not the boss of me" is kid-specific speech: like knock-knock jokes and fart jokes, meaningful only during some specific developmental period.

OK, maybe not the fart jokes.

Read more by Suki at Avant Parenting.

  Jeffery Luhn: Picture Your Children

(Photos General) JefferyLuhn_withCamera.jpgTips for Getting Great Shots of Your Kids!

Pick a spot in your house near an open door or sliding glass door that faces north so you'll be getting SOFT SIDE LIGHTING. Avoid direct sunlight, which occurs on the south side of the house.

Set the shot up so the light is striking your subject from the side. Never shoot into an open door or window; you'll just get a silhouette. Have the light source outside of the camera view.

Get your camera turned on and ready. Place your child's toys on the floor near the light source and start playing. You have to be at their level, so get low and stay low. Once play begins, start taking a few shots of the toys. When your child shows curiosity about your interest in the toys, your magic moment is coming. Remember, it takes a happy photographer to take a happy picture!

(Photos General) Graceblocks_63.jpg (Photos General) Graceblocks_23.jpg
 (Photos General) Graceblocks_33.jpg  (Photos General) Graceblocks_43.jpg

Jeffery Luhn is a local photographer and educator. www.LuhnPhoto.com

  This Week

(Holidays) Halloween_CarvedPumpkin_Beautiful.jpg

Events in the Parks

HARVEST & HALLOWEEN

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School Corner

Mount Madonna PreK-12, Art and Play in Pre and K 11/4

 

Santa Cruz Waldorf K-8, Early Childhood Education Class TH

 

Monte Vista Christian School 5-12, Open House & Curriculum Fair 11/11

 

Mount Madonna PreK-12, Fall Open House 11/15

 

Santa Cruz Waldorf School K-12, Waldorf Alive - A Walk through the Grades 11/19

 

SCPENS, Fall Seuss Theme Festival 11/8

 

LitWits Master Class for Grades 9-12: A Tale of Two Cities 11/14 & 21

 

Santa Cruz Waldorf PreK-8, Waldorf Alive! A Walk through the Grades, 11/19

 

Tara Redwood School Pre-5, Call for a Tour

 

CLUBS FOR KIDS!

 

LitWits Master Classes:

A TALE OF TWO CITIES
LitWits Workshops

(Logos Business) LitWits_Logo.jpg
Nov 14-Nov 21 
9:00am to 12:00pm
High school
Literature-based writing and art instruction for high schoolers
Aptos
(831) 247-0593

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Pre-K Mornings

at

The Art Factory

 

3 Hour Pre-K Art Class

in a small, charming
cottage setting

Weds or Thurs 9am-12noon

Indoor/Outdoor, Play,
Explore, Stories
and Lots of Art!

 

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artfactorystudios.com

831-688-8862

Parenting is "thrilling, exhausting, hilarious, fun, frustrating, rewarding.... and requires constant vigilance..."

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Tune up Your Parenting Skills


Workshops for  Parents with Babies to Teens

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 Grand Parties! Marine Masquerade & Dia de los Muertos

(Special Event Images / Graphics) Seymour-Center-Marine-Masquerade2.jpgMarine Masquerade

Seymour Marine Discovery Center (at Long Marine Lab)
Join us for Halloween fun!
Date: 10/31/2014 from 6:00pm to 8:00pm
Ages: All Ages Admission Fees: $8 Adults, $6 Kids, Children 2 and under FREE

 

Join us on Halloween night for a magical mystery marine masquerade adventure including scavenger hunts, creature crafts, flashlight tours to a whale skeleton, costume parade, and more!


Location: Seymour Marine Discovery Center, 100 Shaffer Road, Santa Cruz Map
Phone: 8314593799 •website Santa Cruz West Side

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Día de los Muertos Community Festival

(Special Event Images / Graphics) MAH_DiaDeLosMuertos_Child2.jpgSaturday, November 1st
3-7PM | FREE

We remember our loved ones as larger than life. Let's celebrate that with a Día de los Muertos festival bigger than anything the MAH has done in the past.

That means the festival is so big we split it into two halves: we'll start at the museum with facepainting and dance, and move on to Evergreen Cemetery for music, delicious food, and an outdoor altar exhibition created by local community members.

Here's what's happening at the MAH:
3-4:45: Facepainting by Mariposa's Art, tissue paper flower crafting, lantern making and Food from Navajo Tacos
3:15-4:30: Dance performances from Estrellas de Esperanza and Grupo Folklorico Los Mejicas
4:45-5:00: Gather in Abbott Square to proceed to Evergreen Cemetery

Schedule of events at Evergreen Cemetery:
5:45-7:00 - Explore an outdoor altar installation connecting those buried in Evergreen with current active community members, groups and local social issues
6-7- Food
6-6:45: Musical performance by Trio Guadalupano

Picture Your Kids
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Picture Your Kids
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Thomas and Percy's Halloween Party
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  Thomas and Percy's Halloween Party
Roaring Camp Railroads
Date: Every Su and Sa (Oct 18-Nov 2)
Details: This year, for the first time ever, Percy will be joining Thomas the Tank Engine on the rails! Also...
City: Felon Phone: 831-335-4484 view all details >>
     
Young Eagles - Kids Fly Free
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  Young Eagles - Kids Fly Free
Young Eagles
Date: The 2nd Sa of every month from 8:00am to 4:00pm
Ages: 8 yrs - 17 yrs
Details: Kds fly free EAA airplane rides, on the first Saturday of every month between January and April and then again between September
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-531-8440 view all details >>
     
Schoolhouse Rock Live!
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  Schoolhouse Rock Live!
Cabrillo Theater
Date: Every day (Jul 10-Aug 8)
Details: A pop culture phenomenon comes to the musical stage in Schoolhouse Rock Live!
City: Aptos Phone: (831) 479-6154 view all details >>
     
Halloween on the Wharf
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  Halloween on the Wharf
City of Santa Cruz
Date: 10/29/2016 from 4:00pm to 6:00pm
Details: Show up for tricks or treats on the wharf!
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
LitWits Master Classes: My Antonia
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  LitWits Master Classes: My Antonia
LitWits Workshops
Date: Every Fri (Mar 13-Mar 20) from 9:00am to 12:00pm
Ages: High school
Details: Literature-based writing and art instruction for high schoolers
Special Instructions: Nov 14 and 21, 9am-12pm
City: Aptos Phone: (831) 247-0593 view all details >>
     
Picture Your Kids
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Picture Your Kids
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Picture Your Kids
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Picture Your Kids
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Picture Your Kids
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Picture Your Kids
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