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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz, CA

June 22, 2017
Laughter is the Glue

The Number One Ingredient In Every Happy Relationship

"Do You Have a House Cleaner?" Thread

Enrich your family life

Places to Go!
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  Laughter is the Glue

(0 June 2017) Family_Happy.jpgRemember how we laughed as children, doubled over, on the floor, unending.  It felt so good! Then somehow adult responsibilities and stresses entered and laughter took a hit. As a director of a private PreK-8 school, I observed: Happy children, mostly squared away parents; misbehaving children, stressed parents needing some parenting workshops and perhaps some marital counseling; and of course everything in-between. None of us is perfect; we are all working on ourselves and our relationships, no matter how old we are. There's good news. "Healthy, happy relationships aren't without arguments, disagreements or flaws; but they do have commitment, respect, love and laughter. Bringing laughter into your relationship every day could make all the difference!"There's a LOT to laugh about TOGETHER. Find it! It still feels good.

My friend Carl once told me that getting a house cleaner saved his marriage, so I share with you a house cleaner thread that got my attention. 

Also, we've all read that money challenges are a big marriage stresser. The answer is simple according to authors of a study on temporal discounting, a simple imaginative trick that seems to make people more likely to save more money for the future."

(2 Buttons) Button_Weekend.jpgPlease share our newsletter with new friends so they won't miss a few tidbits of wisdom from our author contributors, and as always our many fun events!

Have a great weekend with the family,  Parmalee

 

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  The Number One Ingredient In Every Happy Relationship

by Louise Armstrong

Laughter is the glue keeping all happy relationships together.

(0 June 2017) LouiseArmstrong.jpgOur kids often turn to us and say, "What's the secret to a happy marriage?' There is no secret and there isn't just one thing that keeps us happily married but without a doubt laughter is the glue that keeps us together.

Long-term relationships are a roller coaster ride for sure but ALL of them having one thing in common - a great shared sense of humor. Having been very happily married for 28 years, running a coaching, counseling and hypnotherapy business I understand relationships and what makes people connect personally and romantically at a deep level.

There are many components to being happily married and I can honestly say when you combine work, commitment and time together all bound up with laughter marriage really does get better and better each year. My clients are often horrified when I say to them early on in our sessions - "You might never have the relationship you want with your partner', but they are often thinking of the worst possible scenario. The reality is the relationship might not become what you thought you originally wanted but something so much more fulfilling and loving.

People spend their lives trying to change their partners, rarely looking inside of themselves, rarely accepting they are the ones who need to change, rarely taking responsibility for their feelings. It's when people take responsibility for themselves, stop the blaming, start accepting their partner for who they are, start communicating better, taking the time to be with one another, appreciating each other's views and having a laugh together every day that life really takes off on another level.

I'd love to share with you some tips that have really helped my own marriage and that of my clients grow and deepen over the years -

1. Laughter has to be number one - every day we really do have a laugh about something, often something quite trivial but we always have that connection, even if it's just something small perhaps something Bella, our puppy did. Often when discussing serious matters such as money or work we will always end up making a joke of some sort at the end. Even when we feel upset because we know how to lighten the situation we can "get back up again'. Having a daily laugh stops us taking life too seriously and keeps our vibration high so we have positive mindsets.

2. Focus on your partner's positive qualities - in my own marriage and in all my year's of counseling I find that couples all complain about similar things, but it's the "happy' couples who choose to focus on the positive qualities in their partner. Then express your appreciation to your partner.....tell them - this will cement the good things you see in your partner, overriding the negative, annoying things.

3. We all fight and argue - it's part of a relationship but it's HOW you disagree that counts. Keep your arguments to the point being respectful and kind, it's not about "winning' the argument, being sarcastic or putting the other person down so you feel better. Don't drag everything else into it and you'll find they are far more easily resolved.

4. Understand your partner - even if you don't agree with them put yourself in their shoes, try and see their point of view and agree that you understand their opinion; show empathy. Then only if you are asked to, express your opinion. This can "kill' a lot of arguments on the spot as you immediately take the heat out of the situation by agreeing with their understanding.

5. Compliment your partner - this is something that has come naturally to me but so many people struggle with. I noticed early on in our relationship I very rarely said anything against Ian when in company, whereas my girlfriends would spend the evening "complaining' about their partners. Try and change your language and compliment your partner in front of others....'He's a great cook', or "He's been a big help this weekend', you'll be surprised at the effect it has on how you see your partner. You are validating the person you have chosen to be with.

6. Take time together every day - someone said to me recently, "Is it the fact that you and Ian walk the dog every day that keeps you happily married?' Well, it's not the whole thing but yes it's a component. We make time together EVERY DAY and because of this, we have learnt more and more to enjoy just being together. Being married to a pilot means we have a lot of time apart but we always make the effort to text or Skype, keeping that connection.

7. Forgive each other and move on - don't hold a grudge, it is a waste of time and very destructive towards your relationship. By taking responsibility for your own actions you will learn to forgive one another and not place a wedge in-between you both. Sulking and harboring negative thoughts will be a thing of the past as you move on.

8. Lastly, have a joint goal - it's always a good idea to be working towards a joint venture whether it's a housing project, a holiday, a hobby, a fitness routine, a relationship goal, a project or trying out new recipes - do it together! This will give you focus, working towards a shared vision.

Healthy, happy relationships aren't without arguments, disagreements or flaws; but they do have commitment, respect, love and laughter. Bringing laughter into your relationship every day could make all the difference!

If you're struggling with this come and join our closed FB group especially created for women to move forwards in a caring, non-judgmental environment, "Let's Talk Relationship & Life' - https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipsandlife/.

Take the relationship quiz here and see where your relationship is right now - http://www.louise-armstrong.com/relationship-quiz/

 

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  "Do You Have a House Cleaner?" Thread

Michelle: Do you have a house cleaner? I've never had a house cleaner and I'm struggling with the thought of getting one. I feel like it would let my kids off the hook too easily however, there are some significant benefits to me (sanity, time, relaxation etc.). Thoughts?

Erica: DO IT!

Gina: There is always the preclean before the clean lol

Alia: We used to have one because our days off would be a lot of just cleaning--which wouldn't allow us to spend time as a family. It was SO worth it! And there were still chores for the kids to do.

Dave: I'm always stuck with that job.

Lori: Hire a housecleaner to come once or twice a month to sanitize. Everyone else still needs to daily pick up.

Amy: Totally. I work all week and have enough to do on the weekend I am happy to pay someone to clean, especially the bathroom. They come every other week. They don't straighten up or put laundry away etc but they clean the dirt and change the sheets on the beds. It is a lifesaver.

Andrea: You can have a house keeper and still give the kids chores. My parents had one when I was living with them but I still had to clean my own bathroom and do laundry.

Shawna: I have the most wonderful lady who comes every 3 weeks. She does a real deep clean for me and is amazing. Best decision ever. I clean daily, but she is like the power wash. Deal with my kids is: if they don't have a clean room/bathroom, she skips their areas. Never had a problem with them keeping up their end of the deal, in fact, they have a lot of appreciation and respect for what she does and so they keep up their areas extra well so she doesn't have to 'work so hard'.

Sarah: I have one come twice a month and I love it! The kids have to keep their rooms put away and clean things on the off weeks.

Valerie: We don't...but I want one!! I'm tired!!

 

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  Enrich your family life

This one simple brain hack could make you richer, research shows

Published June 8, 2017by James Dennin

Humans are predictably irrational. Feeling down or hungry or simply bored can mess with how people make decisions: one reason saving money can be so hard. We are wired to prioritize short-term relief over long-term well-being, choosing to buy a fancy new car today instead of stashing cash for a house tomorrow, for example - even if that would be smarter.

But there's good news. It is possible to outsmart your unconscious habits, new research suggests. It just requires a little imagination, per a paper from researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, published in Psychological Science. The authors identify a simple imaginative trick that seems to make people more likely to save more money for the future.

How does it work? Their solution helps to overcome something called temporal discounting, a term describing how people prioritize immediate rewards, even if it means giving up a better deal in the long run. This happens in about 40% of cases, the researchers found in their study. But the fix is simple: When people are presented with options as part of a larger sequence of events, they're more likely to make the better choice.

"A subtle change in how choices are framed can increase people's patience," said professor Adrianna Jenkins in a press release on the study. "This change affects patience by increasing imagination and its role in decision-making."

The authors of the paper gave 122 respondents a series of binary choices, such as between receiving a certain amount of money, or a larger amount of money after waiting. When the option was presented to them independently - "Would you rather have $15 tomorrow or $20 in thirty days?" - respondents were more likely to choose the quicker payout than when the option was presented as a sequence of events - "Would you rather receive $15 tomorrow and then nothing in 30 days, or nothing tomorrow, but $20 in 30 days?"

There's a big lesson in here. Being able to see your whole financial picture is a key component of saving money. For example, if you can commit to banking your raises, instead of spending them on a bigger apartment or fancier vacation, you're much more likely to reach long-term financial goals.

It's easier to make better choices when you see them within a larger sequence of events - because you will have an easier time imagining consequences. Two follow-up experiments backed this up: When respondents were asked to write out the reasoning for their decision, the ones presented with sequential options wrote about their decisions with greater imaginative detail.

In a third experiment, the researchers actually scanned people's brains as they made their decisions. Sure enough, when subjects were presented with sequential options, parts of the brain associated with imagination showed higher levels of functional connectivity to parts associated with value processing, aka weighing options. Crucially, authors suggest your imagination may help you give greater value to future rewards (and feel more patient) without requiring additional willpower.

So the next time you're trying to decide whether or not to stay for another $10 drink at the bar?

Reframe your options into a sequence: You're not simply leaving the bar early and going to bed; you're also waking up tomorrow morning headache-free and $10 richer. Your vivid imagination will do the rest.

 

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  Places to Go!

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Popup Picnics
State Park Mission
  Every day (Jun 15-Aug 17) from 11:30am to 1:00pm
Delish!!! Join us at the park for catered picnics & good company
Santa Cruz  view all details >>

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Papa Doo Run Run
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  Papa Doo Run Run
Beach Boardwalk
Date: 09/01/2017
Details: Last free Friday night concert of the summer
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 423-5590 view all details >>
     
Wednesday Night Twilight Concerts
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  Wednesday Night Twilight Concerts
Capitola Village
Date: Every Wed (Jun 7-Aug 30) from 6:00pm to 8:00pm
Details: Twilight Concerts serves up live music on the beach on Wednesday evenings from 6 to 8 p.m. Bring a blanket or chair and relax.
City: Capitola Village view all details >>
     
Free Movies at the Beach
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  Free Movies at the Beach
Beach Boardwalk
Date: Every Wed (Jun 21-Aug 16) at 9:00pm
Details: Bring the family and your blanket or low back chair and join us for these classic hits!
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Woodies on the Wharf
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  Woodies on the Wharf
City of Santa Cruz
Date: 06/24/2017 from 10:00am to 4:00pm
Details: More than 200 stylish, pre-1952 wood-bodied cars. Plus music, woodie goodies, prize drawings and a parade!
City: Santa Cruz Phone: 831-420-5273 view all details >>
     
Laughter is the Glue
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  Laughter is the Glue
Date:
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Annual Pleasure Point Street Fair
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  Annual Pleasure Point Street Fair
Pleasure Point Business Association
Date: 06/24/2017 from 11:00am to 5:00pm
Details: Free, blockbuster entertainment for families!
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 464-7748 view all details >>
     
Laughter is the Glue
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  Laughter is the Glue
Date:
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JUNIOR POLICE ACADEMY
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  JUNIOR POLICE ACADEMY
Scotts Valley Police
Date: Every day (Jun 19-Aug 4)
Details: Provides students with alternatives to drugs, violence, and other illegal activities through exciting events and educational pro
City: Scotts Valley view all details >>
     
Positive Discipline for All Ages of Children
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  Positive Discipline for All Ages of Children
Positive Discipline Community Resources
Date: Every Wed (Jun 14-Jun 28) from 6:30pm to 8:30pm
Ages: adults
Details: Enjoy a respectful and fun summer with your kids
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 476-7284 view all details >>
     
Archeology Demonstration
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  Archeology Demonstration
State Park Mission
Date: 10/21/2017 from 1:00pm to 2:00pm
Details: Follow the archeological process from the dig to the display, and participate in hands-on activities
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 425-5849 view all details >>
     
Laughter is the Glue
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  Laughter is the Glue
Date:
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Sidewalk Sale
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  Sidewalk Sale
Friends of the Santa Cruz State Parks
Date: 06/23/2017 from 11:00am to 4:00pm
Ages: All
Details: We'll have an array of discounted and gently shopworn items, including apparel for adults and kids, educational toys, jewelry an
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 429-1840 view all details >>
     
Laughter is the Glue
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  Laughter is the Glue
Date:
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 Grizzly Gulch 10 Year Anniversary
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  Grizzly Gulch 10 Year Anniversary
San Francisco Zoo
Date: Every day (Jun 24-Jun 25)
Details: Help us celebrate our bear sisters, Kachina and Kiona
City: San Francisco view all details >>
     
Open Bluegrass Jam
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  Open Bluegrass Jam
Crepe Place
Date: Every Su (Jun 25-Sep 24) from 5:00pm to 8:00pm
Details: Summertime brings warmer weather and a more relaxed pace, perfect for sitting outside on the porch and playing/listening to musi
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 429-6994 view all details >>
     
Beauty and the Beast
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  Beauty and the Beast
Cabrillo Theater
Date: Every Su, Th, Fri and Sa (Jul 21-Aug 13)
Details: A heartwarming performance of a classic!
City: Aptos Phone: (831) 479-6154 view all details >>
     
Deep in the Redwoods Music Fest
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  Deep in the Redwoods Music Fest
Camp Cruz
Date: Every day (Jun 23-Jun 25) from 3:00pm to 12:00am
Details: Escape to the Santa Cruz Mountains for a music filled weekend Deep in the Redwoods!
City: Watsonville view all details >>
     
     
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