We asked some of our clients, whose children range from little kids to young adults, to share their favorite parenting tips and they came up with from-the-heart winners!
"L" (a local educator)
- Always be thankful for the children in your life - especially during times of adversity and illness. Never take "the way things are
for granted. Nothing lasts forever. Savor each special moment, special story, personal contact. Weather the difficulties as best you can, they too will pass.
- Bring out old photos and look at them with your children! During the recent holidays, my children and I found ourselves looking at random family photos - some from long ago and others more recent. These brought smiles and memories that we could share and talk about - altogether very special.
- Don't go to bed mad. Anyone with teenagers knows this can be especially challenging at times. But if you can help it, it feels much better to let go of the anger.
- Remember to acknowledge and appreciate the little things your children do for you ... and they in turn will acknowledge and appreciate the little things you do for them (this works....my 18-year-old is proof!)
- Do comment on good judgments, actions, behaviors and decisions....to balance any comments you feel you need to make on poor decisions, behaviors, actions, etc...
- Always be thankful!
Carolyn Farrell, MFT, Art Therapy Counseling: "No matter what parenting strategies you employ, and there are a lot of valid, and helpful ways to approach parenting, you will have fewer difficult times with your kids of all ages if you spend one on one time with them with no other distractions. Let them pick the activity and spend forty-five minutes or so doing it. Simple but it works!" Carolyn
Michelle Huffman, Gymnastics Learning Center, SCSC: Keep active kids engaged, direct that energy early so it doesn't come around and sting you when you're not looking.
Suki Wessling, Avant Parenting: One that worked: Give kids a clear goal to work for. You don't have to set it up as a reward system, but just as the way life works. You say, "Before you can do X, you need to do Y and Z." Make sure to give them plenty of examples of how this works in your life. "Before I can play that game with you, I need to change the laundry" or "Before we can leave on this great adventure we have planned, we need to make our lunches, clean the kitchen, and pack our backpacks." Then, it will make so much more sense when you get around to saying, "Before you can play your video game, you need to do your math and write a paragraph about the topic you want to write on for your history essay." I wrote an example of this in my blog post "Summer Screen Time" -- http://blog.sukiwessling.com/?p=1298
One that felt really good: My kids have been fighting a lot. A few times I have set things up so that I ended up being the "bad guy," and they had to join forces against me. It was so cool to hear them whispering about how they were going to conspire against me. I'm not sure this is a healthy strategy, but it was fun!
One that failed: I just don't get it. Most of the successful adults I know were raised with guilt trips. Their parents said things like, "If you don't get an A in that class, you'll embarrass the family" or "I know you're smart enough -- you only failed because you didn't try hard enough." However, when I lay a guilt trip on my kids (as I try NOT to do), they always backfire miserably. My son cries and starts to lament what a horrible person he is. My daughter says she can't understand why I call her "Sweetie" when it's clear I don't even LIKE her. It's actually good that my failure is so clear -- it reminds me why I rejected this form of parenting in the first place.
Patti Bond, Bond Marketing: When trying to enlist the cooperation of my daughter - instead of telling her to do something, ask whether she would like to do X or Y. Cheers, Patti
Pam Carrico, Peaceful Valley Farm: My favorite parenting tip, by far is to always speak to your child the same way you speak to an adult. NO BABYTALK or dumbing down words for them. Get them in the habit of asking, "what does that mean?". Expose them to big ideas, even if they can only nibble on them for now. They'll remember and go back to them later. Oh, and encourage them to read the dictionary and thesaurus.
Second, is to let them do things on their own...put their shoes on, even if they're on the wrong feet. Let them dress themselves inappropriately with their shirts on backwards, take 10 minutes to buckle their OWN seat belts, make the messiest PB&J EVER, even let them eat too many sweets so they understand why you tell them not to! Just let them try, so they can learn to do for themselves and make good choices.
I think it's worked for my kids! I had 2 graduate early and start college, after killing AP high school classes, one in the gate program, and all on the honor rolls! Oh, and at least 2 that know that "fake foods" make them sick. :-)
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2012! Let's make it a good one for our families, friends and community. We asked some of our clients, whose children range from little kids to young adults, to share their favorite parenting tips. Please Readers, 
If you're motivated to set New Year's Resolutions for 2012, but are having trouble coming up with a complete list of goals to set, try using categories to organize your thinking. By "categories" I just mean areas in your life where you'd like to improve. Once you define a category, usually 1-3 goals will bubble up to the surface of your mind without much prompting, and those will be the ones to work on for 2012. Here are the categories that I use:
Experience the wildlife and natural beauty that make Younger Lagoon an exceptional local treasure on this docent-led tour to the lagoon and its beach habitat. Learn about the ongoing research and habitat restoration work that help this vital ecosystem thrive. 
Tour includes a short hike and is best suited for adults in good physical condition and children age 10 and older. Space limited, free with admission. Reservations required: (831) 459-3800.
