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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz County
Fun Setting Goals
January 6, 2011

Suki: Being a parent is never easy.
6 Questions for Setting Goals with Your Children
This Week
37th Annual Fungus Fair:
Goal Setting Questions with Children from Lorraine Pursell
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(Holidays) NewyearsResolutions_Letthembegin.jpgI like these sayings / words of advice that I can pull out of my memory. "Set one goal, work it and related goals will fall in place."  "It's not enough to set a goal; make an action plan."  "Stay with the plan for 30 days and it becomes a habit."  "You can only change yourself (and hope for positive reverberations)."  "Set the table for dinner and be a family." I'm still trying to improve!  How are you doing!?  If you feel discouraged about keeping resolutions, I promise you will feel better after reading Leslie Dinaberg's column.

My friend's mother is 94, sharp as a tack, lives in a rest home, gets around in a wheelchair, delights in reading, gets picked up by Lift Line and transported to Bible study across town, and has an 80 year old boyfriend.  They have little spats but cannot escape each other so have to make up.  How sweet. She likes clipon earrings so I gave her a splashy rhinestone set for Christmas.  She was sporting them yesterday.  She's visited by her sons and daughters-in-law several times a week and adheres to a "virtuous" diet.  No wonder she's still going strong  --love of her family, active mind and a healthful regimen.  There's hope for us all.

Our neighborhood is changing, yet it still has an eclectic mix of ages and backgrounds.  Lots of parents with new babies walk by my window.  I wonder if the birth rate went up while the economy stalled.  I see dads as frequently as moms walking a newborn held close in a snugli, doing the slow "bounce-walk" to settle a teething baby. 

When I look at the photos on the Nature's Apprentice website I say "Yes! Children in nature!"  If you want to place your children with someone who will nourish their love of nature, check out this program for children ages 2-5.  Jody, owner of Fresh Prep Kitchens, who makes our lives just a little easier with her homemade dinners which she delivers to our doors, has moved to the Sashmill, right near Adventure Sports.  Just go online to see the menu and give her a call with your order, or stop in while your children are swimming.

Happy 2011, Parmalee

  Suki: Being a parent is never easy.

(Site Photos) SukiRedHead_138.jpgAt least, it never is in our house.

At various times, my husband and I have the "why is this so hard?" conversation. Luckily - so far - only one of us is in that mood at any given time, so the other one can soothe instead of suggesting adoption as a way out.

"We love our children. It's not that bad. Remember that this is just a phase..."

Is it by chance that my husband is downstairs, on the cusp of 2011, playing "Stupid Girl" by the Rolling Stones? Really, really loud?

But parenting is like nothing else in that it always matters. I can't think of another job, even the one where you sit next to the red button waiting for the president's call, where you have such power to screw up - and such power to inspire - a single life.

Today my son noticed a magazine that came in the mail: Parenting for High Potential from the National Association for Gifted Children.

"That really doesn't make much sense," he told me. "I can imagine some things that parents can do to really screw up a kid, like, you know, if they were really mean to them or they didn't let them learn anything. But I can't think of a single thing a parent can do to make a kid do better." >>>>>>

  6 Questions for Setting Goals with Your Children

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Lorraine Pursell, Parenting Coach

You've probably set your New Year's resolutions by now, but what about your kids? In case you're at a loss for what to do beyond "What do you want to do this year?" try this approach.

Sit down with each child and ask these 6 key questions, in sequential order, so they'll feel smart and capable in developing goals and a plan of action.  When you write down what they say,  they'll feel  important.  Bonus: this whole exercise should increase your connection together. Read the 6 questions at the end of the newsletter.

  This Week

Event CalendarBelow is only a partial list of upcoming events and activities so be sure to click on our EVENT CALENDAR so you do not miss anything >>

Use the PARENT PLANNER to click on events and resources you are interested in and click PRINT MY PLANNER to print or email your list.

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Gateway K-8, Open House 1/8


Spring Hill K-8, Kindergarten Round Up / Assessment 1/8

 

The New High School Project, Campus Tour 1/11

 

Chartwell School, Campus Tour 1/11

 

The Center for the Advancement of Language and Literacy, Free Workshop: Memory Strategies to Enhance Learning 1/12

 

Independent Schools Pre-K - 12th, Independent School Fair, 1/19/11

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Meet with students and representatives from many private schools,

Pre-school - 12th Grade

at a FREE informational event.

 

Come learn about the exceptional academic programs and the great variety of enrichment programs of our area schools.

 

Get the information you need to make confident choices.

 

January 19, 2010 

More Information

Fresh Prep Kitchens

Dinner Delivered to You!

Free!!

 

Autumn Seasoned Pork Stew with Herbed Stuffing and Petite Green Beans

 

Tender boneless pork simmers gently all day with mildly seasoned apples and apricots and wine for a hearty meal.


See more delicous dinners online.

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 429.1390

Old Sash Mill,
303 Potrero Street, #01A,
Santa Cruz

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Advanced K - 8 Education

 

Kindergarten Roundup

1/8, 9-12

Reservations Required

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Spring Hill is a private school where the talents of bright, motivated and gifted children are recognized, nurtured and developed to their full potential.

SpringHill.org

250 California St, Santa Cruz

427.2641

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Recyclable
New Year's Resolutions

By Leslie Dinaberg

 

     Foolishly optimistic, somewhat deluded person that I am, I always take some time at the end of December to reflect on the past year and set some goals for the next one. The idea is to come up with a list of resolutions that will help transform me into a kinder, nicer, more organized, healthier, richer person with a better figure, a well-behaved and all around perfect family, and a much cleaner house.

 

     While I haven't accomplished all that I would have liked to in 2010-and honestly Mr. President, who has?-a look back at the history of my New Year's resolutions tells me that at least I'm continuing to make a tiny bit of progress every year.

Resolution #1....>>>>>

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 37th Annual Fungus Fair:

(Special Event Page Graphics) FungusFairChanterelles.jpgJanuary 7-9, 2011 - The fair opens early this year on Friday, 4:00-7:00 p.m., with a lecture and cooking demonstration. Friday admission is only $5.

Come to Santa Cruz and visit the kingdom of Fungi! Learn about the hundreds of beautiful and fascinating species of local fungi on display in a re-created woodland habitat. A unique Santa Cruz tradition, the Santa Cruz Fungus Fair features a special room full of hands-on activities for the kids, including a fungus exploration area, clay mushroom building, face paints, and more!

The 37th Annual Santa Cruz Fungus Fair will be held at the Louden Nelson Community Center. Sponsored by the Fungus Federation of Santa Cruz, the fair draws 2,000 plus visitors each year.
Highlights & Activities

* Culinary demonstrations by top bay area chefs, including Jozseph Schultz (India Joze); Todd Spanier (King of Mushrooms); and Damani Thomas (Oswald). They will thrill your palate.
* Dr. Denis Benjamin, a nationally renowned mycologist and the author of Mushroom Poisons and Panaceas, will participate in a panel on current developments in mushroom poisonings and treatments.
* Nationally regarded mushroom author and expert David Arora will present The Wheel of Fungi. David is the author of Mushrooms Demystified and All That the Rain Promises and More.
* Renowned herbalist Christopher Hobbs will discuss the medicinal properties of mushrooms.
* Lectures by prominent mycologists and basics of mushroom identification in our popular Mushrooms 101 class.
* A special Kid's Room full of hands-on activities for kids, including a fungus exploration area, clay mushroom building, face paints, mushroom-dyed silk, wonderful mushroom art and more!
* FFSC mushroom experts will be available throughout the fair to identify the mushrooms you've found.
* Throughout the three-day event, Fungus Fair attendees be able to learn more about local mushrooms, view remarkable mushroom arts and crafts, and taste unusual and exceptionally good fungal fare.
* The habitat display area will present and display hundreds of mushroom species commonly found in the Santa Cruz/San Francisco/Monterey Bay area.

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  Goal Setting Questions with Children from Lorraine Pursell

(Holidays) NewyearsResolutions_tiger.jpgQuestion 1- "What did you like about last year? What went well for you?"  Be silent while the wheels turn. Give them plenty of time with only minimal hints from you. Remember, these are their goals --you probably don't like people giving you suggestions for your goals, so  be supportive of what they say. You're encouraging your child's confidence and capability. 

Importantly, question 1 is framed positively; we're building their strong sense of self. Even if they're two and they say they like dinosaurs or five and say the same thing, just nod your head and smile while writing their answer. If they're in elementary school, they may say they liked their friends and in Jr. High that they liked how well they worked on their algebra. In High School and beyond, you'll probably need to participate in setting your own goals with them so they don't feel self-conscious. They can be secretary for you if they want.

Question 2- "What would you like to improve this year?" Again, this is framed in the positive. We're suggesting that they did well, and asking what they'd like to add some final touches or tweaks to. This is a good question to ask yourself. As you are gentle with yourself, your child will learn to be gentle with and to like herself. Maybe they want to get their homework bag by the front door, or even in the backseat of the car the night before and you'd like to get 5 easy dinners lined up each Sunday for the week ahead.

As you do this together, it's an opportunity to be closer and for them to see your vulnerable side, which will encourage them to open up.

Question 3- "How would you like to change your grades this year?" They may say they want to raise that D in biology, but maybe they don't care about their grades. They could be content with their grades as they are, and you can deal with that issue at another time. But for now, just write what they say.

Your parallel to their grades in school is your performance at work. How would YOU like to change your "grades" this year. As you show that you have room to improve, you'll inspire their honesty and enthusiasm to do better.

Question 4- Now that they've told you what they want to improve, ask them "How can I support you to do that?" If they want to get better grades this year ask "How can I help you make that happen?" Maybe you create a nice homework environment for them: quiet, well-lit space with everything they need. Do your homework with them: be at the table doing your stuff while they're doing their stuff. Just your being nearby will be comforting to them. And if they have a question, you're right there to help out! They're well on their way if you support them.

(Holidays) NewyearsResolutions_bear.jpgQuestion 5- "How would you like to personally grow this year?"  Be sensitive with how you say it. If they don't have an answer or don't know what they can improve on, then you chime in with "Well, you know, I think I'd really like to improve on xyz this year." You might say that you'd like to be more patient with them this year or that you'd like to be a better listener. Imagine how you'd feel if your parent said that to you!

Maybe they'd like to seek new friends and wean away from others. Would they like to be more generous or help out more? Would they like to help their teacher out somehow? Would they like to clean up the park?

Question 6- "What new adventure would you like to try this year?" "Would you like to learn about horses? Earn money? Start a neighborhood animal care business? Maybe you'd like to overcome your fear of animals or of tests. Would you like to take up art? Life is so new and exciting- what new adventures would you like to go on?"

As a bonus, maybe you could explore a new adventure together. My son and I went for a sky dive before he left for the Marines. It was a memory we'll never forget! What bonding experience could you do together or as a family?

I hope this has been helpful. I share all of this with you just to inspire and encourage your own great ideas. Go with it and let your love and respect for your child shine while you show them that they can share their heart with you and you will accept it.  THIS lays the greatest foundation of all for raising a responsible child who will love you for life!


Lorraine Pursell, MA, BCET serves kids, parents and families. Since 1995, she's helped hundreds restore self-esteem and achieve closer, lasting relationships in her clinic, private practice and workshops. Email Lorraine! Tell her what's working for you and what's not: lorraine_pursell@yahoo.com.
For FREE parent support, go to www.LorrainePursell.com. View this article's corresponding videos there, too! (Limited time, so hurry!)

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