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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz County

January 3, 2019
Giving and Receiving Space

The Difficult Art of Giving Space in Love

Ask Nicole: Positive Parenting Awareness Month

Better Choices, Better Health
Fun Events!
Click to view our Business Directory
  Giving and Receiving Space

(0 A January 2019) Book_openhouseforbutterflies.jpgThe parent relationship is the heart of the family. Our children's healthy growth is very much a reflection of our own love story. Maria Popova has written a beautiful, inspiring article on "The Difficult Art of Giving Space in Love: Rilke on Freedom, Togetherness, and the Secret to a Good Marriage." In the midst of our busy, challenging, exhausting, wonderful, humorous and important jobs of raising children, we find affirmation in Maria's ideas for our own journey of giving and receiving space.

If you have teens or your children are about to enter those years, definitely go to Kirby School's next "conversation with "parent whisperer" Lucie Hemmen, who will share research and insights about raising healthy children throughout the adolescent years. Lucie is a gifted teen therapist who has an ability to frame the issues and challenges of the teen years in a way that gives both kids and parents a new perspective -one that offers a lot of middle ground. She has practical, specific tools and suggestions to offer which are real-world effective and easy to implement."

Please share our newsletter with new friends so they won't miss a few tidbits of wisdom from our author contributors, and as always our many fun events!

Have a lovely, space giving weekend with family and friends!  Parmalee

Illustration by Maurice Sendak from Open House for Butterflies by Ruth Krauss

 

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  The Difficult Art of Giving Space in Love

Rilke on Freedom, Togetherness, and the Secret to a Good Marriage

"I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other."

By Maria Popova

"Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls," the great Lebanese-American poet, philosopher, and painter Kahlil Gibran counseled in what remains the finest advice on the secret to a loving and lasting relationship.

Our paradoxical longing for intimacy and independence is a diamagnetic force - it pulls us toward togetherness and simultaneously repels us from it with a mighty magnet that, if unskillfully handled, can rupture a relationship and break a heart. Under this unforgiving magnetism, it becomes an act of superhuman strength and self-transcendence to give space to the other when all one wants is closeness. And yet this difficult act may be the very thing - perhaps the only thing - that saves the relationship over and over. Read more at Brain Pickings>>>>>

 

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  Ask Nicole: Positive Parenting Awareness Month

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A Time to Renew, Refresh & Recharge

By Nicole M. Young, MSW

Another year has flown by, leaving me wondering where the time went. As I think about my family's milestones and memories over the past year, I'm reminded of how often I get consumed by work, my family's hectic schedule, and the never-ending list of household chores. It's easy for my family to go through the motions of our daily routines - get up, go to school or work, come home, eat, do homework or work, go to bed, repeat, repeat, repeat - and even be in the same room without really noticing and appreciating each other. It takes deliberate and constant effort to be a positive parent (and partner), and the new year is a good time for a fresh start.

This January, Santa Cruz County is celebrating Positive Parenting Awareness Month for the seventh year in a row, and several other counties in California are joining in - Inyo, Napa, Mendocino, Sonoma, and possibly more! Positive Parenting Awareness Month is a time to recognize the vital role that "parents" - including birth, foster, and adoptive parents, grandparents, and other relatives or family friends - play in raising happy, healthy, thriving children. It's a chance to encourage all types of families to seek and accept support from friends, family members, neighbors, and local resources, such as the Triple P - Positive Parenting Program. And it's a time to let go of past parenting mistakes or regrets and start the new year with new tools in the "parenting toolbox."

We encourage everyone to use and share these tips to renew, refresh, and recharge their commitment to positive parenting not just in January, but every day of the year.

What is positive parenting? It's an approach to raising children that strengthens family relationships, increases parents' confidence and promotes children's healthy development. Research shows that the quality of parenting and caregiving throughout a child's life is one of the most powerful predictors of their future social, emotional, and physical health and well-being. 

There isn't one "right" way to be a parent, but there are many parenting programs and strategies that have helped families across the world. One program in Santa Cruz County is Triple P, which is based on these five principles of positive parenting:

Principle 1: Provide a safe, interesting environment. This gives children and teens the opportunity to play, explore, discover and experiment. This is how they learn and develop important life skills, such as communicating with others, solving problems, and being independent. The amount of supervision and limit-setting will change as children get older, but even teens (and young adults) need to know they have people in their lives who will keep them physically and emotionally safe.

Principle 2: Create a positive learning environment. Help children and teens feel safe and confident to explore and learn new skills by noticing their efforts, giving positive attention and descriptive praise, and modeling healthy, appropriate behaviors. These tips might seem too simple or obvious to mention, but many times it's the smallest efforts that make the biggest difference.

Principle 3: Use assertive discipline. Remember that discipline is not the same as punishment. Assertive discipline is a calm, consistent approach to teaching children and teens new ways of thinking and behaving. When used as a teaching tool, assertive discipline helps children and teens accept responsibility for their choices, become aware of other people's needs, and develop self-control. Someday, your children's employers and partners will thank you for teaching them these skills.

Principle 4: Have realistic expectations. Every child and teen is unique in the way they learn and develop. Conflict and frustration can occur when parents expect too much too soon of their children. Likewise, children and teens miss opportunities to learn and grow when parents don't expect enough of their children. It's also important for parents to have realistic expectations of themselves. Remember there's no such thing as a perfect parent or child.

Principle 5: Take care of yourself as a parent. Many parents and caregivers feel unprepared or uncertain, and asking for help is often seen as a weakness. Fear of being blamed or shamed prevents many people from seeking support. And yet, the non-stop job of parenting is easier when our own physical, social, emotional, and intellectual needs are met. This recharges our "parenting batteries" so that we have energy to be patient, consistent, and available for our children.

(0 AB November 2018) NicoleYoung2018.jpgFINAL THOUGHTS: Let's make positive parenting a daily habit and start the new year with a renewed focus on our family relationships and parenting practices. I'm in - are you?

Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 15 and 18, who also manages Santa Cruz County's Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, the world's leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org.

 

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  Better Choices, Better Health

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Free Workshops for Chronic Illness Sufferers

Better Choices, Better Health is a 6 week self-management program series provided in partnership with The Health Trust. Workshops are led by trained community leaders and intended for anyone dealing with the challenges of living with chronic or ongoing health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, asthma, or high cholesterol and/or their caretakers. Participants will learn about stress management, dealing with pain & fatigue, weight management, decision making, and more.

Workshops take place every Monday 10:30am to 12:30pm from January 28th, 2019 through March 11th, 2019 at the Downtown Library, Upstairs Meeting Room. Participants are requested to attend each session, and registration is required. For more information or to register, please call 408-961-9877 or email wellnessprograms@healthtrust.org.

  Fun Events!
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JANUARY

CALENDAR

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Kirby School 6-12, Shadow Days, Mondays

 

Orchard School K-6, Open House 1/19

 

Mount Madonna School PreK-12, Campus Tour and Preview of "13" the Musical1/24

 

Kirby School 6-12, Open House 1/26

Visit the Sand Hills

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The Top 100 Children's Books on Goodreads

for Independent Readers through the Middle Grades

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"Since his mother's death six years ago, Carter Kane has been living out of a suitcase, traveling the globe with his father, the brilliant Egyptologist, Dr. Julius Kane. But while Carter's been homeschooled, his younger sister, Sadie, has been living with their grandparents in London. Sadie has just what Carter wants-school friends and a chance at a "normal" life. But Carter has just what Sadie longs for-time with their father. After six years of living apart, the siblings have almost nothing in common. Until now..."

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Holiday On Ice
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  Holiday On Ice
Beach Boardwalk
Date: Every day (Nov 17-Jan 6)
Details: Create a new holiday tradition with family and friends ice skating by the sea
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Curious Contraptions
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  Curious Contraptions
Exploratorium, Pier 15
Date: Every day (Nov 8-Jan 20) from 10:00am to 5:00pm
Details: A whimsical winter exhibition where small sculptures are brought to life by intricate arrangements of handmade cams, cranks, and
City: San Francisco Phone: (415) 528-4444 view all details >>
     
Folk Dancing!
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  Folk Dancing!
Cabrillo Folk Dancers
Date: Every Tues and Fri from 7:30am to 11:00pm
Details: Check out these folk dancing events! Balkan, Israeli, International
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Coastal Rail Trail Groundbreaking
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  Coastal Rail Trail Groundbreaking
City of Santa Cruz
Date: 01/10/2019 from 12:15pm to 12:45pm
Details: Celebrate - come rain or shine - party including speakers, refreshments, commemorative giveaways and more...
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Kid's Tool Workshop
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  Kid's Tool Workshop
Home Depot
Date: The 1st Sa of every month from 9:00am to 12:00pm
Ages: 5-12
Details: Free kids workshops teach do-it-yourself skills and tool safety
City: Capitola or Watsonville view all details >>
     
Girls Who Code
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  Girls Who Code
Library Scotts Valley
Date: Every Th (Jan 17-Mar 21) from 3:30pm to 4:30pm
Ages: 8-18
Details: 3rd-5th grade girls will build sisterhood, read and reflect on the Girls Who Code book, and complete various challenges over a
City: Scotts Valley Phone: (831)427-7717 view all details >>
     
New Mommy Musical Meet-UP
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  New Mommy Musical Meet-UP
MusicalMe, Inc
Date: The 2nd Mon of every month from 12:30pm to 2:00pm
Ages: birth - 12months
Details: Join us every 2nd Monday for our "New Mommy Musical Meet-Up"!
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 438-3514 view all details >>
     
STEAM
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  STEAM
Library Watsonville
Date: Every Wed at 3:00pm
Ages: 8-12
Details: Join us for STEAM!
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-768-3400 view all details >>
     
Volunteer with the Animals
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  Volunteer with the Animals
Santa Cruz County Animal Shelter
Date: 01/12/2019
Details: Training to volunteer with animals or other ways!
Special Instructions: 10 am to 12 noon or 1 to 3 pm
City: Santa Cruz Phone: 831-454-7235 view all details >>
     
Positive Discipline for Parents of Preschoolers (2-5 yrs.) class
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  Positive Discipline for Parents of Preschoolers (2-5 yrs.) class
Positive Discipline Community Resources
Date: Every Tues (Jan 29-Mar 19) from 6:30pm to 8:30pm
Ages: adults
Details: Positive Discipline for Parents of Preschoolers (2-5 years)
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 476-7284 view all details >>
     
Guided Tidepooling
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  Guided Tidepooling
Santa Cruz Museum of Natural History
Date: 01/04/2019 from 3:15pm to 4:45pm
Ages: All ages
Details: Guided by experts, learn about some awesome critters in tidepools
Special Instructions: Location shared upon registration
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 420-6115 view all details >>
     
The Importance of Space
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  The Importance of Space
Date:
view all details >>
     
Children's Planetarium Show
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  Children's Planetarium Show
Hartnell Planetarium
Date: Every Fri (Mar 22-May 17) at 5:30pm
Details: Star programs for children
City: Salinas Phone: (831) 755-6979 view all details >>
     
Paint Poppies!
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  Paint Poppies!
Palace Art & Office Supply
Date: 04/13/2019 from 11:00am to 6:00pm
Details: Toaa Dallo will guide you with step-by-step instructions, making this workshop ideal for beginners and anyone who loves to creat
City: Capitola Phone: (831) 464-2700 view all details >>
     
     
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