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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz, CA

February 4, 2016
More Encourgement, Less Praise

Tips on Using Encouragement... Different from Praise

Punny Valentines
Suki: The Back and Forth We Need
Click to view our Business Directory
  More Encourgement, Less Praise

(A Feb 2016) Valentine_ThumbodyLovesYou.jpgWho likes Valentine's Day?!  It's a great holiday for helping children play with words.  We bring you a starter list of puns! 

Speaking of words, experts working with Positive Discipline Community Resources helping parents with parenting skills techniques, have refined the difference between encouragement and praise.  We include their thoughtul approach.

Tonight is Harry Potter Book Night. Dress as your favorite character and visit the party at Bookshop Santa Cruz or have your own party at home any day you choose! Go to HarryPotterBookNight.com for party ideas.  

Suki talks about the powerful cure of WALKING.  Thanks for the reminder Suki!

Seymour Marine Center opens for a FREE Community day on Friday, Feb. 5!  While you're there visit the gift shop for a Valentine's present for your sweetheart!

Are you going? Gateway, Mount Madonna and York Schools and Cabrillo College are collaborating to co-host a Speaker Series on Education.  Denise Pope, Ph.D. speaks on "Overloaded and Underprepared: Strategies for Stronger Schools, and Healthy Successful Kids."  Details here>>>

(A Buttons) Button_Weekend.jpgPlease recommend our newsletter to new friends so they won't miss a few tidbits of wisdom from our author contributors, and as always our many fun events! We cannot fit them all into this newsletter.  There are more on the online calendar.

Have a great pre-Valentines weekend! Parmalee

 

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  Tips on Using Encouragement... Different from Praise

By Colleen Murphy, Positive Discipline Educator

(A Feb 2016) PositiveDiscipline_encouragement.jpg"Encouragement is more important than any other aspect of child-raising," said Adlerian psychologist Rudolph Dreikurs. "Each child needs continuous encouragement just as a plant needs water," he said. In other words, positive acknowledgment and a belief in one's capabilities from a loving adult is vital for growing emotionally healthy children.

Unfortunately, pointing out errors and bad decisions to children throughout the day is a strategy adults often use in order to inspire children to do better. As an adult, is this the type of employer you'd like to work for? Do you feel inspired to give your best to an employer that consistently focuses on your faults? Or would you rather have your strengths noticed, faith shown in your ability to learn from mistakes, and your efforts appreciated?

Children are no different than adults. We all do better when we feel good about ourselves and know the unique gifts we have are valued.

HOW WE DISCOURAGE CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS

"No, no, don't touch. You'll drop it." "You're too little to do that." "You can't climb that; it's not safe." "It'll be faster if I do it for you." "You can do better than that." "I knew I shouldn't have trusted you."

These comments discourage: "dis" (a reversal of) "courage" (facing difficulty without retreating). Our unconscious, daily comments can squash children's attempts at trying something new, taking risks, figuring things out and learning from mistakes in order to try again with better results. Children may begin to think, "What's the use? I can't ever do it right."

Growing up is an incredibly courageous undertaking. Children live among giant-sized people who appear to be extraordinarily skilled in every area. Yet children keep striving to do difficult tasks no matter how many times they fail at it.

With Positive Discipline, the goal is encouragement: "en" (develop or creation of) "courage." This goal requires adults to:

  • See children as having something to offer at all ages, not just when they are older.
  • Remember that mastery of a skill requires lots of practice and mistakes.
  • Allow reasonable risks knowing this supports personal growth.

Praise vs Encouragement

Praise and rewards are two other strategies often used by adults to inspire children to do better or to do what is asked of them. It is true that these strategies can motivate children to perform but the success of these tools are usually temporary.

Studies have confirmed that excessive praise and rewards teach children to:

  • Depend upon external judgments of others.
  • Not trust and seek out their own internal self-evaluation.
  • Not take risks or push for higher levels of achievement for fear of making a mistake and losing out on the reward and approval from adults.
  • Replace taking pleasure in the accomplishment with the pleasure of the praise.
  • Feel conditionally, rather than unconditionally, loved.

The end result of a childhood based on praise and rewards can create adults who mistakenly look to the outside world to bring self-esteem. Or they can have a tendency to only do the minimum required. "If there's no short term reward, why should I go over and above what is expected?" they ask themselves. Moreover, when children are not interested in earning the designated reward (sticker, jelly bean, money, praise), then where does that leave you?

Encouragement differs from praise in the following ways:

  • The focus is on the deed not the doer: "Good job" vs. "Good boy"
  • Acknowledges effort and improvement, not only the end result: "You're working hard," vs. "You did a perfect job."
  • Allows children to rely more on inner judgments and less on other's judgments: "Do you like it?" vs. "I love it!"
  • Doesn't rob children of owning the accomplishment and turning it into pleasing adults: "Your grades reflect your hard work" vs. "I'm so happy you got all A's!"
  • Teaches HOW to think, not WHAT to think: "What did you learn, feel, think?" vs "You did it right."

 

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  Punny Valentines

(A Feb 2016) Valentine_HeadTomatoes.jpgMake punny valentines.  Encourage the children to come up with their own puns. 

You'll want construction paper, magazines, scissors, glue and paint, crayons or markers!

Have fun!

 Bear : Can't bear to be without you Bees : Bee mine / You are the bees knees 
 Butterfly : You make my heart all aflutter  Cat : You're the cat's meow
 Dinosaur : You are dino-mite  Elephant : Don't forget to be my Valentine
 Fish : Hooked on you / You're a catch  Hippo : I love you a ton
 Kangaroo : Hop to it and be my Valentine  Monkey : I'm hanging around to be your Valentine
 Owl : Owl always love you  Porcupine : I pine for you
 Skunk : I am so scenti-mental about you  Tiger : You are grrrrreat
 Whale : Whale you be my valentine  Button: You are cute as a button
 Gardening Tools : I dig you  Marker or Pen : You are just write for me
 Scissors : You're a cut above the rest  Sewing Supplies : I love you sew much
 Apple : You are the apple of my eye  Banana: I'm bananas for you
 Berry : You are berry sweet  Coffee : You perk up my heart
 Fortune Cookies : I'm fortunate to be with you  Hot Cocoa : You warm my heart
 Hot Dog : Frankly, I like you  Ice Cream : You melt my heart
 Mints : We are mint to be  Nuts : I'm nuts about you
 Olives : Olive you  Orange : Orange you glad you're my valentine?
 Peanut Butter & Jelly : We go together like peanut butter and jelly  Tea : You are pre-tea cute / You fit me to a tea / You are my cup of tea
 Pear : We are the perfect pear  Peas : We are two peas in a pod
 Pie : You're a cutie pie  Plum : You are plum perfect for me
 Pretzel : You tie my heart in knots  Soup : You're souper

Thanks to New Wave Domesticity!

  Suki: The Back and Forth We Need

(A Oct) Suki_2015.jpgThere are many things that we lost as we moved toward today's goal-oriented, success-focused culture. One of the things we lost was our innate understanding of taking it easy. Walking (or swimming, bicycling, pogo-sticking, or whatever flavor of repetitive motion you prefer) is a gift from nature. It not only realigns a malformed back; it realigns our brains and helps us work through problems even when we don't know we have them.  Read what led to this perspective>>>>

 

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Coastal Community Preschool, Kindergarten Readiness Program Tonight, 2/4

 

Gateway, Mount Madonna, York & Cabrillo, "Overloaded and Underprepared: Strategies for Stronger Schools" 2/9

 

Mount Madonna PreK-12, Open House featuring Hands-on Science and Conversation Cafe 2/20

 

Cabrillo College, College Planning 2/29

 

All School Events

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(A Feb 2016) Valentine_Caterpillar.jpg

Ongoing Library Events for All Ages

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Seymour Locals Free Days
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  Seymour Locals Free Days
Seymour Marine Discovery Center (at Long Marine Lab)
Date: Every Th (Sep 7-Sep 28) from 10:00am to 5:00pm
Ages: All
Details: Free Locals Days in September...Come visit us!
Special Instructions: We are located at the end of Delaware Avenue.
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 459-3800 view all details >>
     
Egg Hunts
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  Egg Hunts
San Francisco Zoo
Date: Every day (Mar 26-Mar 27)
Details: Learn about conserving jaguars
City: San Francisco view all details >>
     
Young Eagles - Kids Fly Free
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  Young Eagles - Kids Fly Free
Young Eagles
Date: The 2nd Sa of every month from 8:00am to 4:00pm
Ages: 8 yrs - 17 yrs
Details: Kds fly free EAA airplane rides, on the first Saturday of every month between January and April and then again between September
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-531-8440 view all details >>
     
World Wetlands Day
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  World Wetlands Day
Watsonville Wetlands
Date: 02/04/2017 at 10:00am
Details: Come out and help with a fun restoration project on Upper Struve Slough along the City of Watsonville's Trail System.
Special Instructions: Meet at 10 am on the Upper Struve Slough trail at the southern end of the Nob Hill Shopping Center
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-345-1226 view all details >>
     
Retro Nights
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  Retro Nights
Beach Boardwalk
Date: Every Mon and Tues (Jun 19-Aug 22) at 5:00pm
Details: Special weeknight prices for locals!
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Love is in the Air!
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  Love is in the Air!
Date:
view all details >>
     
World Wetlands Day
click to view website
  World Wetlands Day
Watsonville Wetlands
Date: 02/04/2017 at 10:00am
Details: Come out and help with a fun restoration project on Upper Struve Slough along the City of Watsonville's Trail System.
Special Instructions: Meet at 10 am on the Upper Struve Slough trail at the southern end of the Nob Hill Shopping Center
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-345-1226 view all details >>
     
The Hidden Gems Film Club
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  The Hidden Gems Film Club
Santa Cruz Library Downtown Branch
Date: 02/07/2016 from 1:00pm to 4:30pm
Ages: Adults
Details: The Hidden Gems Film Club brings film lovers together for an afternoon of unique cinema
Special Instructions: Attendance is free, but we appreciate RSVP's via our Facebook event page in order to arrange seating: http://bit.ly/scpl-gems
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 427-7717 view all details >>
     
Baby Happy Hour
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  Baby Happy Hour
Junebug's Gym
Date: Every Mon and Wed from 12:15pm to 1:15pm
Ages: crawling to early walkers
Details: Where FUNdamental Motor Development begins.
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 464-2847 view all details >>
     
Step-Parents Support Group
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  Step-Parents Support Group
Live Oak Family Resource Center
Date: The 2nd Th of every month from 6:30pm to 8:00pm
Details: Step-Parents Support Group 6:30-8pm. 2nd Thursday of each month Resource
City: Santa Cruz Phone: 831-476-7284 view all details >>
     
Love is in the Air!
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  Love is in the Air!
Date:
view all details >>
     
Love is in the Air!
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  Love is in the Air!
Date:
view all details >>
     
Love is in the Air!
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  Love is in the Air!
Date:
view all details >>
     
Love is in the Air!
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  Love is in the Air!
Date:
view all details >>
     
Discovery Learning Center Moving
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  Discovery Learning Center Moving
Discovery Learning Center
Date: 02/10/2016 from 6:00pm to 9:00pm
Details: A chance for children to watch Heidi (1937) in a company of friends.
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 531-7352 view all details >>
     
Love is in the Air!
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  Love is in the Air!
Date:
view all details >>
     
     
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