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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz, CA

December 19, 2012
The Most Important Job on Earth
Helping Parents Help the Children, A Message from API
7 Ways to Be an Emotionally Attentive Parent
Writing Contest
This Week
Toy Trains at the MAH
Click to view our Business Directory
  The Most Important Job on Earth

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Happy Hannukkah and Merry Christmas!

(BUILT IN) (Icons/Graphics) ChristmasFamilyX.jpgThe tragic news brings us back to the family where the majority of us nurture and set limits, inspire and guide and make our homes a safe, welcoming, warm place for ourselves and our little future citizens.  Families are the fabric of society.  As Lorraine Pursell says, "You are doing the most important job on earth."  By the way, Lorraine, formerly a popular tutor in Santa Cruz and now living in Hawaii, is offering a free teleclass on family topics every month.  Today's (7pm) is about "How to Give Joy with Fewer Toys".

(Holidays) HannukkahScene.jpgAs I read the topic for the Santa Cruz Reads writing contest, "Write about issues prominent in today's political, cultural, or social landscapes that parallel those from the past" I felt inspired to enter a contest like that myself.  As an adult with a greater knowledge of human nature, history and current events I could tackle this.  In my youth I wouldn't have had the maturity, insight, confidence or knowledge to write on that topic.  Perhaps with the proliferation of information we have today and parents and teachers who guide our students in seeing history repeat itself over the millenia there will be some interesting essays.  I'm looking forward to them. 

Have a wonderful holiday with your families. I'm visiting with a new niece, and her parents, grandparents and uncles. It's time for a trip to the book store for little board books!  The calendar is full of fun activities for you.  Katie Dog's stocking is up, the lights are on and spiced tea is in the air.

The calendar is full of fun events for you!  Parmalee

  Helping Parents Help the Children, A Message from API

"Our hearts hurt today, and our thoughts and prayers are with the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School. As you draw your children closer, API shares these resources on being a safe haven for our children if they are aware of the tragedy." API Newsletter

Helping your children manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting
American Psychological Association
Talking to Children About the School Shooting
Susan Stiffelman, Parenting without Power Struggles
Talking with Children about Upsetting News Events
Massachusetts General Hospital
Resources from Mothering on talking with children about tragedy
Mothering.com
Helping Children with Scary News
PBS.org Parents
Little Listeners in an Uncertain World
Zero to Three
How to Talk with Kids about Tragedies like School Shooting
Dr. Laura Markham, Aha! Parenting.com
Helping Children Heal
Attachment Parenting International
Children and Grief
The Attached Family.com
Children and Death
The Attached Family.com

  7 Ways to Be an Emotionally Attentive Parent

7 Ways to Be an Emotionally Attentive Parent
By Jonice Webb PhD

The way a child is treated emotionally by his parents determines how he'll treat himself as an adult. For example, a child who does not receive praise and attention for his small accomplishments, and the pride he feels, may grow up with low self-regard and little confidence in his own abilities. If you ignore your child's emotions, your child will feel ignored on some level, no matter how much attention you pay to him in other ways.

Emotions are part of your child's biology, and necessary for forging the strong parent-child bond of love and connection. If you help a child develop his emotional intelligence, it's been shown to be more valuable to his success in life than general intelligence. It's your job to teach your child how to name, use, and manage emotion, as well as how to deal with it in others.

Bean emotionally attentive parent is challenging, for three reasons.  The first is because emotion hides behind behavior. It's easier to get angry with a child who is sulking and being stubborn, for example, than to look for the underlying emotion that's causing the behavior, such as fear. Second, if a parent is not emotionally aware herself, it's difficult for her to perceive what her child is feeling. Finally, speaking the language of emotion doesn't come naturally to children. Emotion can be powerful, complex, and confusing. Both parents and children often find it easier to simply ignore it.

A parent doesn't have to be perfect to make the child feel emotionally cared for. If she or he works a little bit at a time to be more emotionally attentive, it can make an enormous difference in the adult child's happiness. Here are seven ways to do it.

(Photos General) Parenting_WalkingTogether.jpgPay attention to who your child really is. Your job is to see your child's true nature--and reflect it back to her. What does your child like, dislike, get angry about, feel afraid of, or struggle with? Feed these observations back to your child in a nonjudgmental way so that your child can see herself through your eyes, and so that she can see how well you know her. For example, "I see your math homework seems really frustrating," or "You sure do love that stuffed animal, don't you?"

Feel an emotional connection to your child. Strive to feel what your child is feeling, whether you agree with it or not. When you show that you understand your child's emotion, he will feel an instant bond with you. Put the feelings into words for him and teach him how to use his own words to express it. For instance, if he spends a lot of time alone, you might say, "You seem sad to be all alone on a beautiful day. Is it lonely not to have a friend here with you?"

Respond competently to your child's emotional need. Don't judge your child's feeling as right or wrong. Look beyond the feeling, to the source that's triggering it. Help your child name and manage her emotion. Give her simple, age-appropriate rules to live by. For example, if your child grabs her brother's toys in order to anger him, you might talk about how frustrating it is to have a younger brother and have to share everything. Talk to her about how important it is to get along in a family, how we don't want to hurt each other, and ask her what she might do instead of taking his toys from him. Then hold her accountable for her behavior if she repeats it.

Teach self-forgiveness by modeling compassion. When your child makes a poor choice or mistake, help him understand what part of the mistake is his, what part is someone else's, and what part is the circumstance. That helps him figure out how to correct his mistake without feeling blame from you or automatically blaming himself.

(Photos General) Parenting_Pinocchio.jpgShow your child that you like as well as love her. It's vital that your child not only knows but feels that you like and love her. Warm, caring hugs, laughter, and truly enjoying your child's personality all go a long way toward conveying that feeling to your child. Knowing that she's loved is not the same as feeling loved.

Don't miss small opportunities to give attention. Childhood is composed of many small emotional moments, and the more of these that you share, the better off your child will be when he or she grows us. Spontaneously give your child a hug when you notice he looks sad. Ask her if she's okay if you think she might be upset. Spend extra time with your child when you feel he needs it. If your child is going through a transition or difficult phase, e.g., starting school or moving, talk about it with her and do something special with her to show her you know what she's going through.

Help children care for themselves. Adults who experienced emotional neglect as children often report that they never learned how to care for themselves--to get adequate sleep, eat regularly and healthfully, and exercise. As a parent, you can help your child learn self-discipline by teaching him to care for himself. Show him how healthy food makes him feel good, and junk food makes him feel lethargic and bad. Help him find physical activities that keep his body fit and his mood buoyant. And enforce a regular sleep schedule that creates energy and good coping skills the next day.

* * * *
Dr. Jonice Webb is a pioneer in the field of Childhood Emotional Neglect and its negative impact on adult behavior. She has written a new book that offers insights, advice, and solutions for adults, parents, and therapists, called Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect (Morgan James, 2012). Learn more about her and her work at http://www.drjonicewebb.com/.

  Writing Contest

(Special Event Images / Graphics) WritingContest.jpgSanta Cruz Reads Writing Contest
Write about issues prominent in today's political, cultural, or social landscapes that parallel those from the past
Dec 19-Jan 16

Invitation to Write

Freedom of expression is one of democracy's most powerful tools. In the spirit of John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath and the works of other socially conscious writers, we invite you to write about issues prominent in today's political, cultural, or social landscapes that parallel those from the past.

The Contests

Download the Entry Form (Limit: one entry per contest per person.)

Requirements for All Entries

  • Contests are open to ALL residents of Santa Cruz County in appropriate age categories.
  • Complete all information on the entry form. Include your signature giving permission to use your name, writing, photos, and other information in Santa Cruz Reads materials. If under 18, ask your parent or guardian to sign.
  • Staple a copy of the completed Entry Form to the front of your entry.
  • Do not put your name or other identifying information on your entry.
  • Entries must be typed and double-spaced on white paper. Poems/lyrics may be handwritten on white loose-leaf paper.
  • Submit your entry no later than 3:00 P.M., Wednesday, January 16, 2013.

Recognition

  • Winners and runners-up will be notified by February 25.
  • Winners and runners-up will be announced at the Santa Cruz Reads "Kick-Off" held at the Santa Cruz Museum of Art & History, Wednesday, February 27, 6:00 P.M.
  • Winners will be invited to read at the Santa Cruz Reads "Final Celebration" held at the Santa Cruz Museum of Art & History on Wednesday, March 27, 6:00 P.M.
  • Works of winners and runners-up will be published on the Santa Cruz Reads website.
Deadline
Entries must be received by
3:00 P.M., Wednesday,
January 16, 2013
Submit your entry to:
Santa Cruz High School Library
415 Walnut Street
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
  This Week

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Submit your event!


Check the Events Calendar for More Fun!

 

Best Holiday Camps!

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Game Design Camp at Makers Factory

 

Catalyst Soccer

 

Holiday Workshops and Camp at The Art Factory

 

Santa Cruz Gymnastics

 

Watershed Art at The Tannery

 

Camp Flip at Gymnastics Learning Center

 

Winter Wonderland Camp
Santa Cruz County

 

WOLF Nature Day Camp
Web of Life Field School

 

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School Corner

Santa Cruz Children's School K-6, Open House 1/8

 

Gateway School K-8, Open House 1/8

 

Chartwell School K-12, Helping Children Deal with LD Issues 1/12

 

Chartwell School K-8, Open House 1/15

 

Spring Hill School K-8, Kindergarten Tour 1/9

 

Waldorf School K-8, Outdoor Class for Parent and Child (0-3) starts 1/30

Thinking about Preschool in January?

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Visit a few right here!

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Tell a friend!

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 Toy Trains at the MAH

(Holidays) Christmas_Trains_MAH.jpgJoin us for a rotating cavalcade of operating toy trains from the 1920s to the 21st century.

Watch a massive standard gauge steam engine from the 1920s start up-headlight flashing, drive wheels spinning, smoke flowing from the smoke stack and of course a mighty whistle.

(Photos General) TrainBlondeCurlsBoy.jpgOn another track, see a remote controlled modern production of an O gauge diesel with all the latest electronic features. Hear the roar as the diesel starts up, the blast of the mighty horn, the squeal of the brakes at the train slows for a curve and the chatter between the engineer and the control tower.

Toy trains have come a long way over the last century, but new or old, the emphasis is on fun!

MAH, 720 Front St, Santa Cruz ~ December 21 - January 5

Most Important Job on Earth
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  Most Important Job on Earth
Date:
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Guided Elephant Seal Walks Start Dec 15
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  Guided Elephant Seal Walks Start Dec 15
State Park Ano Nuevo
Date: Every day (Oct 25-Mar 31)
Ages: All: (Lots of walking)
Details: 3 mile hike over sand and sloping terrain to see thousands of elephant seals, including newborn pups, their mothers, and bulls
Special Instructions: Dec 15 - Mar 31
City: Pescadero Phone: 800.444.4445 view all details >>
     
Candle Dipping
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  Candle Dipping
State Park Mission
Date: 12/10/2016 from 1:00pm to 3:30pm
Details: Hand-dip a wax candle!
City: Santa Cruz Phone: 831.425-5849 view all details >>
     
Most Important Job on Earth
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Token Madness!
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  Token Madness!
Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk
Date: Every day (Dec 1-Dec 31)
Ages: All ages
Details: Buy $20 in Tokens and get another $20 in Tokens FREE!  Makes
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Most Important Job on Earth
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Most Important Job on Earth
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Most Important Job on Earth
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Track Santa with Norad
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  Track Santa with Norad
Norad
Date: Every day (Dec 1-Dec 23) from 3:00pm to 8:00pm
Details: Follow Santa's progress Christmas Eve
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Most Important Job on Earth
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