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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz, CA

August 18, 2017
Self-control/Delaying Gratification

Julie Chiron: What's Your Favorite Eclipse Widget?
Want to Teach Your Kids Self-Control?
Reaction: Madhu Lodha
Reaction: Steve Spitalny
Reaction: Nicole Young
Plant Fall Flowers!
PlacesTo Go
Click to view our Business Directory
  Self-control/Delaying Gratification

(0 Aug 2017) EclipseWidget_1963.jpgEnjoy the eclipse on Monday, August 21, beginning 9:01am.  For accurate eclipse/safe eyes information go to the American Astronomical Society. Julie Chiron, my daughter's best friend from high school, shares her informative article on eclipse widgets. Parents, Pay attention to Julie's section on Citizen Eclipse!

I think we all realize that the ability to delay gratification is a quality worth cultivating. I certainly fight the good fight!  I came across an article that seemed interesting but raised questions.  I shared it with local experts and they responded with reactions which I now share with you. Think about it, how do we teach our children the value of delayed gratification/self-control? Our experts weigh in, but YOU get to choose how!

(0 Aug 2017) Garden_MumsSalmon.jpgKids restless? Bring them into the garden with you! Digging in the dirt can be grounding. Our article on fall flowers is full of good ideas.

Please recommend our newsletter to new friends so they won't miss a few tidbits of wisdom from our author contributors, and as always our many fun events! We cannot fit them all into this newsletter.  Check the online calendar.

Have a great weekend with the family!  Parmalee

Image: Eclipse Viewers, by Francis Miller, 1963 Life Magazine, c. Time Inc. - Smithsonian Institution Archives

 

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  Julie Chiron: What's Your Favorite Eclipse Widget?

(0 Aug 2017) JulieChiron.jpgMaking Research Visible so it Stays Viable

The Great American Eclipse is upon us. In a few days, I'll be headed to Glendo State Park in Wyoming along with 600,000 other people who are expected to migrate to that state for the weekend. I have my father to thank for this because more than a year ago, he had the foresight to wake up very early in the morning and secure one of the last campsites available. Thanks dad!

An event this universally fascinating and rare, and one that we have anticipated for eons, is perfect inspiration for a Big-Data-obsessed culture. NASA, museums, universities, and journalists have generated quite a few interesting widgets to help put you in the path of totality. If you can't be there in person, you can at least imagine what it will be like. So put down that fidget spinner and have a click at these. 

Total eclipse of your life  My Favorite! Can't make it to this total solar eclipse? No worries! There might be another one in your lifetime. Denise Lu of the Washington Post designed this elegant calculator-map to show you how many eclipses are left in your lifetime.

Meet you on the dark side of the moon shadow  Denise Lu and team also conceived this tour of the moon's shadow across the US. Travel tips include where to stalk Bill Nye or how to access Nashville tourism's Eclipse Playlist for your viewing party.

This cloud could ruin your party  The National Weather Services predicts whether you will witness the eclipse or miss this historical moment. It's a nail-biter!

Don't be one of those people who drives up on Monday morning  The Federal Highway Administration expects

traffic on I-25 into Wyoming to be worse than the gate lineup on Sunday at Burning Man.

Citizen Eclipse  The teams at UC Berkeley and Google bring you a grand citizen-science project: Eclipse Megamovie 2017. Upload your totality photos and join in the discovery. 

If you can't live it, Live Stream it  NASA brings you the eclipse live. A responsibility once shouldered by ABC News. I'm already nostalgic for the commentary.

"Not until August 21, 2017, will another eclipse be visible from North America, that's 38 years from now. May the shadow of the moon fall on a world at peace." - Frank Reynolds, ABC News

  Want to Teach Your Kids Self-Control?

(0 Aug 2017) MarshmallowTest2.jpgAsk a Cameroonian Farmer

Nathalie Dieterle/for NPR

German and Cameroonian kids were part of an experiment based on the classic "marshmallow test": Put a single treat before a child but tell the child if he or she waits, say, 10 minutes, a second treat will be given.

In the the 1960s, a Stanford psychologist ran an experiment to study children's self-control.

It's called the marshmallow test. And it's super simple.

Kids ages 3 to 5 choose a treat - an Oreo cookie, a pretzel stick or a marshmallow. Then researchers give the child brief instructions: You can eat the treat now, but if you can wait for me to return, you'll get two treats.

The researchers leave the room. And the child just has to sit there staring at a marshmallow - and deciding whether to exert self-control or to dig in.

Psychologists have performed the experiment many times. In general, fewer than half the kids "pass" the test. Most kids can't delay gratification: They gobble up the marshmallow.

The researchers followed these kids for decades and found ... Read more>>>

  Reaction: Madhu Lodha

(0 Aug 2017) MadhuLodha.jpgMadhu Lodha, Faculty Cabrillo Community College ECE department. PDCR Board Member

"Emotional Regulation is such an important life skill. I feel it is best achieved when children are raised in trusting and consistent relationships.The Marshmallow test seems so developmentally inappropriate and behaviorist in approach to me. When I have observed children "own" any situation, and let them be in charge, with a reasonable understanding, children can regulate their emotions more responsibly. When emotional regulation comes from within and lasts longer."

  Reaction: Steve Spitalny

(0 Aug 2017) SteveSpitalny7.jpgSteve Spitalny, early childhood consultant and  writer offering lectures, workshops and mentoring around the world. Find Steve at Chamakanda.com.

"We can see that these two groups of children have developed different habits. The Nso children have a trained (by their parents) habit of not expressing emotions, and they also have the experience of their parents, their trusted adults, following through with agreements. 

The Nso parents are strict and demand obedience. I guess that their parents use threats and implied threats to get the children not to express feelings, and to wait until the parent allows. Threat is a fear-based agent for conditioning behaviors, and the most ancient part of our brains responds by doing what the "aggressor" (the parent) wants to lessen the threats. This becomes habit in the young child. This can explain why the children seem to wait calmly - they have been trained to wait for parent permission. 

The part of the brain that is involved in impulse control and delaying gratification is the prefrontal cortex, the slowest part of the brain to develop and mature. Certainly in a four-year-old this part of the brain is very

immature. So the differences in responses between the German and Nso children have to be explained by habits and conditioned responses. 

Yes the Nso children trust their environment. They trust that if they are impatient, they will have a negative experience, so they have the habit of simply waiting.

The German children have the experience of their parents not always following through, not being consistent and so are not confident that waiting will pay off. And they do not have the trained habit of not showing any emotions. 

I think with young children we always have to look at the realm of habits, and how these habits have developed. These are some thoughts this article stimulated in me."

  Reaction: Nicole Young

(0 Aug 2017) NicoleYoung.jpgNicole Young, Santa Cruz parent and manager of Triple P- Positive Parenting Program

"I find this article about the "marshmallow test" interesting because it highlights three important points:


1. Self-control
is a critical skill that helps children become healthy, thriving, functional adults. The word "control" has gotten a bad reputation, especially when it comes to parenting. It's often associated with the parent having more power than the child and using that power to restrict freedom and choices. Or it's used to mean "control yourself" - i.e. don't express unpleasant emotions like anger, frustration or sadness. It's true that when used in this way, control becomes an unhelpful and even counterproductive concept.


But self-control isn't about suppressing emotions or freedom. It means having the ability to recognize a thought or feeling and identifying potential responses before taking action. Children who develop self-control can take turns, think before they act, make appropriate decisions, and accept limits. They tend to do better in school and social relationships because they're able to follow directions, get along with others, control their impulses, and solve problems. These are the same skills that enable adults to adapt, persevere and succeed throughout life, whether it's at school, work, home, or in the community.


2. Children's ability to delay gratification
(an indicator of self-control) can be strongly influenced by how much

children trust their environments. Like any skill, developing self-control requires time, practice and the chance to learn from making mistakes. It also requires a family environment where children experience stability and consistency from their parents and caregivers. Children who live with a lot of uncertainty, instability and inconsistency might still learn to delay gratification, but may find it harder to trust that it's worth waiting for a "reward" - whether it's a material reward or quality time or affection from a parent. Developing trusting, loving relationships goes hand-in- hand with teaching children new skills and behaviors, like self-control. These are essential elements of a positive parenting approach.

3. Different parenting approaches can lead to the same result. Parenting approaches are influenced by how we were raised, cultural values, social norms or expectations, the media, religious beliefs -and our own hopes and dreams for our children. I don't know much about Cameroonian farmers, but I can imagine that their parenting approach is greatly influenced by necessity. Parents need their children to take care of younger siblings or help out on the farm so that the family can grow and earn enough to survive. In this cultural context, it makes sense that Cameroonian parents need their children to learn to regulate or control their emotions starting at a very early age. Taking time to observe babies' behaviors to figure out what they need probably seems like an unnecessary luxury to parents - or even a threat to their family's survival.


For many parents in Western cultures, the Cameroonian approach to parenting (expecting children to learn to control their emotions at an early age and not express their needs or desires) will probably seem unnatural or even "wrong." And yet, there's research indicating that many parents in Western cultures go to the other extreme and become overly involved in meeting their children's needs, which can have negative effects on children's social, emotional and cognitive development. This article was a helpful reminder that instead of trying to determine whether one parenting approach is "right" or better than another, we should continuously ask ourselves, "What does this child in this family need to become a healthy, thriving, capable, independent adult?" The answer may be different for each child and each family, but if we remain focused on the end-goal of healthy development over the life course, we are likely to find many possible paths to get there."

  Plant Fall Flowers!

(0 Aug 2017) Marigolds.jpgPlanting Fall Flowers for Autumn Colors; Annuals as Inexpensive Options, Plus Some of the Best Perennials

By David Beaulieu

Growing fall flowers in the garden will improve a landscape that is already graced by fall foliage trees. But if your landscaping lacks such trees altogether, planting fall flowers takes on even greater importance. The color display put on by these annuals and perennials is a great addition to the non-living autumn decorations in your yard, be they carved pumpkins, cornstalks, witches, or scarecrows. This article will list some of the best choices, while giving you tips along the way on how to save money, etc. Read more>>>

  PlacesTo Go
(2 Buttons) Button_ParentingWorkshops.jpg (2 Buttons) Button_FunParks.jpg (2 Buttons) Button_Weekend.jpg
 

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Fun with Succulents

Quail Hollow Ranch
Sunday 8/20 1-3pm
Ages 10 +
Felton

(0 Aug 2017) SucculentGarden3.jpg

(0 Aug 2017) SucculentGarden_Trucks.jpg

(0 Aug 2017) SucculentGarden1.jpg

Join Master Gardeners Simon Stapleton and Sue Proctor for an afternoon of learning to develop miniature succulent gardens.


Call to register
831-335-9348

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(0 Aug 2017) Dog_KidBanjo.jpg

Aloha Celebrity Races & Polynesian Festival
click to view website
  Aloha Celebrity Races & Polynesian Festival
City of Santa Cruz
Date: 08/20/2017 from 8:00am to 5:00pm
Details: Discover the excitement of outrigger canoe racing, taste of the tropics- fresh flower leis, Hawaiian shaved ice, Maori face pain
City: Santa Cruz Phone: 831-420-5273 view all details >>
     
Paws in the Park Series
click to view website
  Paws in the Park Series
Coastal Wattershed Council
Date: The 3rd Su of every month (May 21-Sep 24) from 10:00am to 11:30am
Details: Paws in the Park is organized to encourage people and pets to exercise at the Santa Cruz Riverwalk, a city park along the lower
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Star Wars and Food Trucks
click to view website
  Star Wars and Food Trucks
Downtown Santa Cruz
Date: 09/29/2017 from 5:00pm to 8:00pm
Details: Dress as your favorite Star Wars character and come for the fun
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Scotts Valley Art, Wine & BeerFestival
click to view website
  Scotts Valley Art, Wine & BeerFestival
Chamber of Commerce Scotts Valley
Date: Every day (Aug 19-Aug 20) from 10:00am to 6:00pm
Details: Come enjoy fine art, wine & beer tasting, great food, and live entertainment in an open park setting
City: Scotts Valley view all details >>
     
Introduction to Positive Discipline
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  Introduction to Positive Discipline
Positive Discipline Community Resources
Date: 08/26/2017 from 10:00am to 12:00pm
Ages: adults
Details: Learn the core concepts, theories, and practices of Positive Discipline
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 476-7284 view all details >>
     
Fun with Succulents
click to view website
  Fun with Succulents
Quail Hollow Ranch
Date: 08/20/2017 from 1:00pm to 3:00pm
Ages: 10 & up
Details: Join Master Gardeners Simon Stapleton and Sue Proctor for an afternoon of learning to develop miniature succulent gardens.
City: Felton Phone: (831) 335-9348 view all details >>
     
Sgt. Peppers/ Magical Mystery Tour 50th birthday
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  Sgt. Peppers/ Magical Mystery Tour 50th birthday
White Album Ensemble
Date: 08/19/2017 at 7:00pm
Details: The White Album Ensemble performs sold out live recreations of Beatles music
City: Santa Cruz view all details >>
     
Fall Concert
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  Fall Concert
Santa Cruz County Youth Symphony
Date: 11/12/2017 at 3:00pm
Details: Spend the afternoon listening to music performed by talented young musicians
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 239-0442 view all details >>
     
Volunteer Info Night and Open House
click to view website
  Volunteer Info Night and Open House
Seymour Marine Discovery Center (at Long Marine Lab)
Date: 11/15/2017 from 5:00pm to 6:30pm
Ages: Teens and Adults
Details: Learn about volunteer opportunities at Seymour Marine Discovery Center.
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 459-3800 view all details >>
     
Triple P Workshop: Preventing & Managing Tantrums
click to view website
  Triple P Workshop: Preventing & Managing Tantrums
Triple P
Date: 08/24/2017 from 5:00pm to 6:30pm
Details: How to prevent tantrums and encourage positive behavior; Learn how to help your child calm down quickly; Understand effective wa
City: Aptos Phone: (831) 724-2997 x212 view all details >>
     
Tour - Shorebirds Walk
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  Tour - Shorebirds Walk
Watsonville Wetlands
Date: 08/19/2017 from 7:45am to 11:00am
Details: Learn how to identify shorebirds with an expert
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-345-1226 view all details >>
     
Dinosaurs in the Redwoods?
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  Dinosaurs in the Redwoods?
State Park Big Basin
Date: 09/09/2017 at 1:00pm
Details: Forests, flowers and...dinosaurs?
City: Boulder Creek Phone: 831-338-8860 view all details >>
     
     
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