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  Santa Cruz Parent Santa Cruz, CA

April 24, 2014


Christine: Dealing with Bad Memories

Steve: Navigating the Terrible Twos - When your 2-year-old says "No
SpeechRighter
Lorraine: Spring Cleaning
This Week
"This Land Is Your Land" Camping and Recreation Festival
Click to view our Business Directory
 

(Photos General) FamilyDinner3.jpgI think that if one read every one of Christine Cockey's science postings over the course of a year that one could do quite well in trivia games. Bringing them to the dinner table can inspire your children to find science amazing.  Christine has degrees in Physics and Engineering, as well as an MBA. There are lots of engineers in her family, including her brother, father and one of her grandfathers. She worked in the nuclear industry for a while, and then moved to high tech in Silicon Valley.  Just think, you could have Science night, literature night, math night, art night, music night, world affairs night, sports night --all in all never a boring dinner time.

Scientists in several fields keep learning more and more about how our brains work and how to help us get past bumps in life's journey. When I read the research Christine did on bad memories, I saw a connection with Lorraine's article on Spring Cleaning. Being human entails making choices, having experiences, interacting with other humans and retaining memories --some good and some not so good. How we handle them when our brain triggers a memory from the past can affect our well-being. For parents, one message is to think through how to help our children make choices, so they experience consequences, good or bad.

Steve explains the terrible two's and offers supportive suggestions for parents.  It reminded me of some advice I received when working with 7th and 8th graders. "On certain occasions when they're acting up, just mentally subtract 10 from their age and you will understand how to work with them. It helped so much.

It's a pleasure to be promoting Cris Colip and her exciting work with the Fast ForWord program.  Her speech-language business is called SpeechRighter.  When you visit her website you will be impressed by what she has done and does for children and their families.

(Photos General) DahliaGarden.jpgTwo years ago I fell in love with dahlias.  Now I have a garden full.  It's an easy and harmless addiction.  They bloom all summer long and into the fall, you have flowers for the table and to give away and they come back the next year! Try some.  It's time to plant them now.

We've loaded up the Events Calendar with lots of outdoor activities.  Our state parks can get you started on hiking trails for all levels and ages.  The beaches await you.  Summer camp programs are lovingly designed to offer new adventures for your children.  Keep a lookout for our May 1 Camp Guide.  It has all the camps of the April Guide and many more new ones. 

Nurseries are bursting with promises of vegetable and flower gardens.  Enjoy Spring!  Parmalee

 

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  Christine: Dealing with Bad Memories

(Graphics) BadMemories.jpgWe have all had bad experiences. However, once you get past the bad times the memories still live on and can cause mental and physical problems. Long term depression can result. The problem isn't the memory per se, but the emotion attached to the memory. Our memories and experiences are a part of us, so we don't want to erase the memory but we do want to lose the negative emotions. A new study discusses a simple strategy that worked successfully with a few participants.

Researchers at the University of Illinois and University of Alberta have tested a new technique on a group of people. They asked people to think of a bad experience. When these people had the thought in mind, the researchers asked the people to remember something about the scene. Perhaps they remembered a friend at the scene, or the weather at the time, or some other detail of the scene. When a person started to look at the details, they stopped focusing on the negative emotions. Later remembrances lost some of the negative emotions.

The researchers had the people report their emotions before and after the strategy and the researchers also used fMRI to look at what was happening in the brain. The technique changed the way the brain was processing emotions. Negative emotions were reduced while positive emotions were increased. 

In essence this technique is asking someone to look at a memory from a different frame of reference. By moving the viewpoint from an emotional viewpoint to an examining viewpoint it gives someone a way to stop using emotions to see a memory. This study did not appear to use clinically depressed patients, but they are going to do further testing.

This seems a good basic technique to help someone past a really bad experience. Our brains are funny things, and something simple like this could really make a difference. The next time I remember some really embarrassing item from my past I am going to try this technique.


http://medicalxpress.com/news/2014-04-bad-memories.html
http://scan.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2014/03/05/scan.nsu039.abstract

Christine is a local mom and scientist. She likes making challenging science accessible to us non-scientists.  Visit her blog at Science Fun.

 

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  Steve: Navigating the Terrible Twos - When your 2-year-old says "No

(Photos General) SteveSpitalny.jpgDo you love it when your toddler says "No" to you? When your 2-year-old child who has only recently begun to walk and to speak in words is rejecting your guidance and replying "No" to you over and over again, you understand why it is called the "terrible twos.' It's terrible for you and it's so easy to get frustrated and lose your cool, especially when you didn't get enough sleep and you are trying to do all the many things on your to-do list. 

"No Mommy No!" 

"Daddy, NO!" 

"No, no nooooooo."

Maybe there is a way to increase your patience and even find a way to rejoice in this stage of your child's development. Maybe understanding the child's experience of being two can help you enjoy this phase of development. Maybe you can even discover a way to enjoy the experience. Read more>>>>

  SpeechRighter

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  Lorraine: Spring Cleaning

T(Photos General) LorrainePhoto.jpghis morning it hit me- get up and clean! Even though we're still experiencing some winter, it's time. I pulled stuff out, cleaned behind and under and swept and washed. How about you?

But this is not about the vinegar and polish.  It's about our relationships. We all have ones that need sprucing up. I have some that are, ummm, rather dusty. This is my work right now.

Where are we feeling edgy with someone? Where are we small-talking and not speaking about what matters? Where are we pretending that all is okay when it really isn't?  This is not an easy subject, but a necessary one for all of us to look at.

I am in a coaching program in which the facilitator has been talking about "clearing conversations', a euphemism for Spring cleaning for our relationships.  

The trick about the clearing conversation is to the other person without an agenda- you don't want anything from them like apologies, change, or even understanding- you just are asking them if they would hear your story while you speak your experience.

If we feel anger, say that it is about US, not them- it's a feeling you have. Take 100% responsibility for our feelings and don't dump on or blame them.  This is the way this process works.

The beauty of the Spring Cleaning conversation is the listener won't feel defensive; you don't want an apology, change or understanding.  You are simply cleaning out your bottled-up experience you've refrained from talking about. It needs airing out!

Imagine: Someone you care about asks if you'd be willing to listen for a while as they tell you what a certain situation was like for them. They make it clear that they don't want anything from them, such as an apology, understanding, or for you to change- just be a friend and  listen to their experience.

How freeing! You don't feel afraid. You are just a friend listening even if the subject is about and around you. They want nothing from you, only your ear, so, you don't feel defensive. In fact you feel honored that they care enough about the relationship to make this effort.  Amazing.

The secret is coming completely from our hearts. I am slightly nervous about my own Spring Cleaning clearing conversation.  It will mean being vulnerable, and if rejected it'll hurt, so I am work on my own feelings so I don't expect a sticky gooey apology, change or understanding. If that happens, great, but I am spring cleaning for myself, not for them or anything they will give me.

Who do you need a Spring Cleaning clearing conversation with? If you want to talk about it you can call me: (808) 936-4370, or email Lorraine@LorrainePursell.com. Blessings on you, and thank you for your courage to do what few can. You are the bridge to heal your closest relationships. Lorraine Pursell, MA, BCET is a relationship coach serving families and individuals since 1995. Uplift Your Inbox each week and subscribe at www.LorrainePursell.com.

  This Week

(BUILT IN) (Icons/Graphics) Text_Calendar.jpgBelow is only a partial list of upcoming events and activities so be sure to click on our EVENT CALENDAR so you do not miss anything.

Summer Camp Guide     

A- Z Summer Camps

 

(Photos General) SchoolYard_WinslowHomer.jpgSchool Corner

 

Mount Madonna Pre-12th, Summit for the Planet 4/26

 

Valencia School, K-5th, Talk with Lorraine Pursell: 4 Keys for Raising Safe, Happy & Confident Kids 4/26

 

Waldorf School Pre-8th, Waldorf Alive! A Walk through the Grades 4/30

 

Spring Hill K-6th, Open House 4/30


SC Montessori Pre-9th, Spring Yard Sale 5/3


Tara Redwood School, Preschool-5th, Open House 5/8

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(Ads Camp 2014) OhanaGymnastics_Summer2014.jpg

Fun

Education

Relaxation

in the Parks

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(Photos General) Dog_elkhorn_slough_kayaking_boston_terrier.jpg

Elkhorn Slough

 "This Land Is Your Land" Camping and Recreation Festival

Web Of Life Field (WOLF) School
Little Basin "This Land Is Your Land" Camping and Recreation Festival April 26th 11-4pm
Date: 04/26/2014 from 11:00am to 4:00pm
Ages: All Ages Admission Fees: Free Admission, $10 parking

(Photos General) WOLF_LittleBasin_Campfire.jpg

On April 26th from 11-4pm, Little Basin will be hosting its 3rd Annual Camping and Recreation Festival. This year's festival will include interpretive hikes, tours, family activities, games, art, live music, outdoor classes and demonstrations, educational booths, and vendors.  

A great day for kids and people of all ages, attend for the day, or reserve a campsite for the weekend!  

Admission is free with a $10 parking fee..

 

To reserve your cabin or campsite call Little Basin Reservations 831-338-3314. 

More information please call 831-338-8018 or visit www.littlebasin.org

To make a camping reservation please visit http://www.reserveamerica.com/


Location: Little Basin Cabins and Campgrou, 21700 Little Basin Road, Boulder Creak Map
Phone: (831) 338-8018 •website Boulder Creek

Summit for the Planet Walk-a-thon and Earth Day Celebration
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  Summit for the Planet Walk-a-thon and Earth Day Celebration
Mount Madonna School
Date: 04/25/2015 from 9:00am to 1:30pm
Ages: all
Details: Join us for an amazing Learning Expo & fun-filled day!
City: Mount Madonna Phone: (408) 847-2717 view all details >>
     
Little Basin Camping and Recreation Festival
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  Little Basin Camping and Recreation Festival
Web Of Life Field (WOLF) School & Little Basin Cabins & Campground
Date: 04/26/2014 from 11:00am to 4:00pm
Ages: All Ages
Details: Come for the music and food, hikes, games, and stay for the evening campfire.
City: Boulder Creek Phone: (831) 338-8018 view all details >>
     
Spring!
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  Spring!
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Spring!
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Garden Planting and Wool Day
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  Garden Planting and Wool Day
State Park Wilder Ranch
Date: 04/29/2017 from 11:00am to 3:00pm
Details: Plant a seed , watch shearing and...
City: Santa Cruz Phone: (831) 423-9703 view all details >>
     
Spring!
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  Spring!
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Spring!
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Spring!
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Wildflower and Nature Hike of Waddell Valley
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  Wildflower and Nature Hike of Waddell Valley
State Park Rancho del Oso
Date: 03/10/2017 at 10:00am
Details: Come and see what's in bloom
City: Davenport Phone: (831) 427-2288 view all details >>
     
Spring!
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  Spring!
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Become a Watsonville Wetlands Docent
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  Become a Watsonville Wetlands Docent
Watsonville Wetlands
Date: Every Wed and Sa from 9:00am to 1:00pm
Details: Join us for docent training in January
City: Watsonville Phone: 831-345-1226 view all details >>
     
     
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